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The Help

"You is kind. You is smart. You is important." ---Kathryn Stockett, The Help

I spent the younger years of my life popping wheelies on a "hand me down" dirt bike, kicking up dust down a long, desolate dirt road in the middle of "no man's land!" At least, that's what it felt like! Home was a little red house with a tin roof, no running water, central heating or indoor plumbing. That's right, no bathroom! All we had was an "outhouse" that terrified me! My older cousin used to tease me with stories about it being a snake den and if he caught me using it, he was gonna lock me in it! Needless to say, I never went in there! It took a wild imagination to create a modern day necessasity (bathroom) out of practically nothing but I'll spare you the details. My grandma, my primary caregiver and strongest woman I know, survived the Great Depression, grew up without her mother, (who died when she was a small child), only had a sixth grade education, raised ten children as a single parent without any government assistance, so surely I didn't have a right to complain.

Life on the "Quarter Road" was like watching a scene from the movie, The Color Purple. My grandma made a living as a sharecropper on a family farm. When she went to work there wasn't a "daycare option" available for me, so it was without question, that I'd be a little farmhand too. I've seen chickens run with their heads cut off, pigs being slaughtered, tobacco in the smoke house and been down my share of cucumber fields. Thank God, the "cotton era" was before my time.

My grandma, the matriarch and backbone of our family, always made a way out of no way! I stayed glued to her hip, so it's only natural that I have a lot of her ways. I'm a country girl with a free spirit and a huge heart, just like Ma (what we call my grandma). I watched nearby as Ma chauffered people to doctors appointments, ran them to town for goods/errands and helped clean houses. When she wasn't working the farm or caring for others, she was helping "Mister" at the chicken house. There was always "work" to be done! I don't even know if Ma slept many of nights. She was the last to bed and the first up in the mornings. On Sunday mornings, Ma's idea of a rest day was an all day church service, beans to be shelled or cucumbers to perserve (pickled ), and clothes to be ironed for the upcoming week. Life back then felt like a blessing and curse!  It equipped me with some good ole fashioned morals and standards, but also taught me a lot about neglecting self! An ounce of "me time" was unheard of and would be considered selfish!

When this past December rolled in, I was exhausted. I'd stepped into Ma's shoes of running errands, chauffeuring people, and trying to be "everything to everybody!" I felt like an old maid, so I jokingly referred to myself as the "Help!" It seemed like I was running from one responsibility to another. I was physically dragging but trying to be superwoman for others! I was crumbling on the inside! I wouldn't dare open my mouth to complain. Shoot, Ma ripped and ran for others till just a few years ago. Then here I am, half of her age and running out of oil. I couldn't quit but I couldn't continue to fill her shoes either. Something had to give and it did---me!

I secretly crashed. All that was known to many, was that my presence was scarce. I'm sure most was used to it by now and for those that didn't, knew better than to ask. Ma raised me ole school---what goes on in this house---stays in this house! Well, needless to say, I've outgrown some of Ma's ways, considering that I'm writing this blog!

Why do I feel compelled to share?

When I lived on the Quarter Road, I didn't know life outside the Quarter Road. I didn't know there was another way to live. I didn't know people lived in houses with indoor plumbing, daycares existed and little girls played with Barbie dolls. I didn't know that kids ate cereal for breakfast and ice-cream for dessert. Ma did the best she could with what she had. It may not have been the ideal way, but it was our way of "surving!" Over the years, it's been a bit of a struggle to rid myself of some of those outdated ways I adapted. Back then, no one had time to be nurturing or feed my spirit, because I imagine that it was a daily struggle just to keep food on the table. I didn't hear those positive affirmations---you is kind! You is smart! You is intelligent! My mission in life was not to be seen, heard or bother anyone. I didn't want to be any trouble, so I became "invisible."

I thought life was just about "existing!"

Sometimes we don't realize the "root" of our issues have a lot to do with how we were raised.  We were passed on old ways/habits that became breeding grounds full of generational curses and dysfunction. Then it becomes necessary to retrain your "thinking!" The world is ever evolving and most importantly when you know better---you do better! Look in the mirror way past what you see today and dig deep! Once you really uncover the layers of your wounds, then you can openly expose them and allow them to heal!

Today, I speak life, healing and wholeness to all of the "unhealed" areas of your life!

Don't be so consumed with helping others that you forget to help yourself!

Remember, you can't pour from an empty vessel!

You matter and you is important! (incorrect English used on purpose)


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