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Showing posts from October, 2018

Displaced Idiosyncrasies

“Resolve to be thyself; and know, that he who finds himself, loses his misery.” —Matthew Arnold So as the days draw closer to my birthday, I’ve found myself in a rather nonchalant mood. My inner peace had become estranged by the subtle background noise that has claimed pieces of my easy-going temperament. To put it bluntly, I’ve just about reached my limits of dysfunctional joint connections! When my body engages in “stressors,” either of two things happen: I eat or shut down. Recently, I’ve become too familiar with both. My sour disposition has been the direct result of failed rescue attempts and unsuccessful interventions. I’ve continually overextended myself, leaving very little behind for my disposal. I’ve managed to abandon my goals to make myself available for others— those that have already decided that they don’t want my help because they haven’t even acknowledged that they needed it. In turn, my “perceived failure” forced me to realize that I’m trying way too hard! I’ve un...

Emotional Hoader

My relationship with God has been somewhat peculiar to say the least. Trying to make sense of life's " mayhem " apart from him can leave you discombobulated and blue in the face. Gasping for air in the cracks of uncertainty, I found myself reaching for answers in the surrounding toxic air. For over two decades, anytime exhaustion settled in, I found myself on the couch curled up in the fetal position with a white blanket. My attempts to swaddle myself and suffocate the pain from my heart’s memory bank were always unsuccessful. My morning routine of affirmations landed on deaf ears. God’s armor felt too big for my britches. I subconsciously blamed my childhood family dynamics for not being prepared to stand unmoved in the fight. There wasn’t anyone available to lead; therefore, I skipped basic training. The sword felt bigger than my hands could rightfully hold. The enemy poked holes in my helmet, so I experienced headshots during attacks. I kept walking out of my il...