A Daily Dose of Freedom

2 Corinthians 12:6-10 I have plenty to boast about and would be no fool in doing it, because I would be telling the truth. But I won’t do it. I don’t want anyone to think more highly of me than what they can actually see in my life and my message, even though I have received wonderful revelations from God. But to keep me from getting puffed up, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from getting proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Some people misconstrue my quiet spirit as self-absorption. Well, those, in particularly, that don’t have a full underst...

I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing tonight in my women’s bible study group. I read the material, did the homework; but, when we discussed Jonah in a lesson, “conviction” feel heavily over me. It seemed absurd that Jonah was trying to run from God. That life lesson was so obvious. I’d heard it a million times, but I wasn’t seeing the parallels to my own life. Here I was laughing at how ridiculous Jonah was, but then I realized I was “Jonah.” Wow!!! I wept in disappointment. It made me sad to even consider that my present-day life resembled Jonah’s in any capacity. In short, I knew better but why wasn’t I doing better? Why did I insist on running-knowing for sure, I would lose every time? Where was I even running to? Most certainly, “my way” led to the same wilderness experience being repeated over & over again. “Grief” immediately set in & then someone said a statement aloud that confirmed what I’d been secretly mourning over for a couple of days. For me to hear the stat...

Dear God, As I sat hopelessly obsessing this morning, I wondered if you were disappointed cause my soul was torn between good & evil. As I begin to unscramble this chaotic mountain of past failures, I can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed & somewhat helpless. I understand “faith without works is dead” but how much effort should I be giving & just how much should I surrender? “Balance” is a continuous hurdle but rightfully so. I’m just another work in progress, waiting for my moment, seeking a small slice of this foreign concept of the American pie story. A cross breed of Good & evil. The rags without the riches. An undeveloped potential waiting for an inherited come up. The brokenness in me confuses this journey as failed perfection. You’ve been so good to me & yet there is an ounce of rebellion lingering when the sun sets & darkness overpowers me. Shadows of dreams deferred haunt me & Satan whispers ugly promises in my ear. You show up every-time b...

“When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.”-Friedrich Nietzsche “Yesterday, I Had A Moment” Yesterday, I allowed myself to travel back in time & stir up some old emotions. In other words, I got lost in the hype. I allowed my mind to revisit a place that no longer served present day purpose. At first the thoughts were welcomed with anticipation, because I convinced myself it was necessary. I needed to let the past resurface to move forward, right? It wasn’t anything wrong with traveling down memory lane but then I got stuck there. I found myself subconsciously wandering at the cemetery. As I strolled around the walking trail, I put an old song on repeat. I dug up feelings that God had buried. Then I begin to feel some type of way. I started to truly feel past rejections & insecurities rising. I begin to dwell on “what if scenarios.” I tried to become apart of an era that I outgrew & it just wasn’t comfortable anymore. It simply no longer fit & I ...

“ I Surrender....” Last night in class, I sat there feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. Why? Cause I allowed myself to be fully present & FEEL the discomfort of every emotion that showed up! I squirmed in my chair, as I felt physically ill. I went from having a throbbing headache, to feeling nauseous & then the room started to spin. I could barely breathe at moments. It was my plan to walk outside & get some fresh air but I didn’t want to cause a distraction. I tried to blot my tears (the pretty cry) on multiple occasions to regain my composure but they just kept flowing. When it was my turn to speak, I was a nervous wreck. I was over prepared but still stumbled over my words (couldn’t say “fatalism” to say my life), lost my train of thought (trying to call someone’s name) & my brain felt scrambled, just trying to get through it. Anxiety grew like a volcano about to erupt! When it was over, I wanted to bolt out the room but women stopped to hug me. Th...

#TransparentMoment We’re always hyping ourselves up about reaching the next level but do we even take notice, when we attain it? We desperately seek God for that “next level of———“ but what do we do with it? Last night, I shared something personal in a women’s bible study group. I attempted to publicly “introduce” myself by presenting a character flaw/weakness to the group. They looked “unmoved” by the comment as if my statement wasn’t a big deal. It’s not that they weren’t concerned but what I presented as a “mountain” was merely a “speed bump” that many shared. After I opened my big mouth, I felt convicted. The statement no longer fit my present circumstances. Truly, I had been delivered from it without taking notice. I was holding on to a “limp” that was gone. The “limp” was all I had known. It became apart of my identity but it no longer served me in this season. I didn’t even realize that the “limp” was my enabler. It was my excuse not to run. It was reason to lay by the poo...

I “guess” it’s ok to post this at this hour. I mean it is “technically” a new day; right?🙈🙏🏽 Brace yourself, it’s very lengthy.🤭 “Take Me To The Water” I don’t think I’ve ever understood “the big picture” of (1 Corinthians 3:6) until this moment. It reads, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. No, I’m not a “babe in Christ,” so I get the literal meaning. I know some plant the seed, some water but God gives the increase. I get it but never realized it’s significance. Yes, I “process” things differently in my little complicated head. Sometimes, I want to make things more difficult than they need to be. If it ain’t all complex; sometimes I can’t relate. I like to dissect things! Pull them to shreds & chew on it for awhile. Yes, I’m a little extreme, even with my emotions. I either feel everything at once or nothing at all! I’m either digging in the valley or shouting from the mountaintop, very few in-between moments. Haven’t quite mastered this “balance” thing...

Strange that we waste so much time grieving over “seasonal relationships,” when we know that God appointed that time to expire for good reason. We spend time agonizing over “hidden potential” that was never presented. We sulk in denial cause the truth is too painful. We become self absorbed by pity. We become self righteous, bitter pillars of tall tales to save face. We drown aimlessly in flood waters of pain & affliction. We suffer brutally at every secret attack. “Survival” becomes the norm. We gravitate effortlessly back into the same cat & mouse circle. They do just enough to keep you dangling. They demand your attention but withhold theirs. They covet you privately but ignore you publicly. Their “love language” speaks passionately to your insecurities. They use their bait to finesse your vulnerabilities. Their motives are for selfish gains. Their intentions are malicious. They have no desire to see you rise up. In fact, they enable your dysfunction to capitalize on th...

She was pushed out of the womb predestined for the fight ahead. A natural born social advocate for justice. An unknown, little warrior that spoke against hate, inequality & injustices everywhere. An ill-equipped drafted solider that accepted the "call" from home. A fighter in her own right- without basic training, equipped for battle without an army, no allies! She was just a ordinary civilian, yet already on the winning team. It wasn't that long before she soon realized that this "battle" had already been won over 4,000 years ago. (You already know the story of redemption--why the blood was shed.) Her words could cut deep like a massive double-edge sword. She was a voice for the mute, a witness for the unbeliever & a walking testimony for the broken & disabled. The helpless & weak that didn't stand a real chance in this cold, cruel world. The ones society deemed "incompetent or inadequate" as charged. The rejects, the misfits,...

I haven’t had a down in the dumps, gloomy, sad type of day in awhile but today, I had a moment after “the moment.” I went to bed last night with a specific master plan to execute this morning but it didn’t happen. I was still tired from running from place to place. I needed a day of stillness.  They say, “When your soul is tired, no amount of physical rest will sustain you.” Was my soul really tired? I’d taken plenty moments of rest, but what was I missing? The cold, rainy day provided the perfect opportunity for some much needed meditation & reflection. Maybe, I was busy trying to overhaul my life overnight by placing impractical demands on myself. Unrealistic goals can be a premature death sentence, causing unnecessary stress & physical ailments. Neither were on my future agenda. I still felt like something was missing! I was starring at the promises but they felt so far away. I needed God to give me some immediate revelation. Surely, I was moving in the right di...

“Today is a very, “big” deal for me.... it’s a funeral procession for the old & a celebration of life for the new. Everyone doesn’t get the significance but he’s adopting me into my inherited family. I present myself freely to you.”                                “Fill Me, Lord” there’s peace in your stillness joy in your obedience redemption by your blood there’s power in your word healing to be claimed deliverance without shame freedom without guilt justification by your grace fullness in your purpose separation from the world newness of my life story. fill me, Lord with all your promises i fully receive your eternal & everlasting love. i submit & surrender my all to you. i rededicate my soul as an offering in truth. No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; for the patch pulls away from the garment, and the tear is made worse. Nor do they put ...

At the beginning of a women’s bible study group, it was my deep, intimate prayer that God bless me with some “healthy relationships.” Funny thing is—I can’t ever recall that being a specific prayer of mine. I operated in my “own will” of seeking out complimentary attributes. I used to jokingly say to friends that I was a magnet for “rejects.” Not in a sense of downing anyone, but I always attracted people who just weren’t emotionally capable of loving me. In other words, my brokenness attracted brokenness! I was secretly addicted to pain, sadness & suffering. I identified with people who had similar battle wounds. We “survived” together in our own dysfunctional pity.  Then there were other connections that I always had to “guess” at what I meant to them. Their actions sent mixed signals. At first, I was great. Then not so great. Then only a distant memory. I just couldn’t trust my heart to know what the “norm” was cause every time others “showed up” in any capacity, seems ...

Her late nights were greeted by restless early mornings. Her mind, constantly on “overload.” She made busy demands, hectic schedules & family obligations appear effortlessly but all along her “seams” were unraveling. She struggled to keep the mask from revealing the bags underneath her eyes. She fueled her overachieving energy with bottomless cups of mocha. Her body craved caffeine to function at it’s best. Showing up in a “mediocre” state was never an viable option. She had to excel. Her accomplishments were never enough. Her to-do-list was aggressively packed to capacity. She barely found room to breathe. Life was a mundane chore. She was annoyed by the daily repetition. Her well was drying up but she barely noticed her vessel scraping the bottom. The days were running together. Fridays felt like overextended Mondays because the demands never ceased. She was bombarded by overwhelming responsibilities. The gas light was on but she ignored the warning. She was an expert at cal...

When you've held your breath for 20+years, it's past time to BREATHE. In 2006 my lungs collapsed, not physically, but emotionally & spiritually. It came from decades of being strong (behind the mask). It came from weathering storms, privately that I refused to speak on publicly. It came from a massive, malignant tumor of disappointments, loss, grief & hurts. “Misery” ran rampantly through my blood-constricted veins. My oxygen supply was nearly depleted and there was little chance of my survival. “Hospice care” was my only option. I needed a machine to breath, because I had given up. There wasn’t any fight left in me. Pain became a natural way of life. There weren’t any morphine drips administered; so, I agonized in excruciating pain. My whole body hurt but my heart was numb. My pulse slowed down to an alarming rate. We anticipated this to be the end of my life. I was beyond exhausted! There was no real desire to live. I accepted this as my final fate. I made pe...

Yesterday, was life changing in so many ways. It was a monumental celebration of a “new life” for many, including myself. The love, energy & support was totally bananas. It was the first time, I had the privilege to witness so much joy under the same roof in quite awhile. I witnessed strangers become extended family. I watched the genuine sincerity of new relationships form & most importantly, I felt God’s presence. I just know God smiled quite a few times on last night.  The sanctuary felt like an incubator. God was preparing the table & setting the atmosphere for immediate miracles. I felt his shekinah glory occupy new dwellings & reign down like never before. I felt deliverance flow and healing sip through barriers blocking heart rhythms. It felt like Spring in November. God was restoring the desolate, abandoned & dilapidated.  He was making the last—first.  He was restoring hope. He was reigniting fires that had dwindled down by disapp...

“Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.” John 1:3 I’m not the kind of person that’s content with following tradition, without asking a lot of questions. I’m very inquisitive and that’s not always welcomed in terms of religion. Some view “posing questions” as presenting doubt in the Creator. You can easily rustle feathers asking the hard questions; but, I still needed answers, so I did a little digging. I explored the “Evolution Theory,” I studied in Biology that basically states that all life evolved from earlier forms of life on earth, including humans, which centers around the most controversial topics of man evolved from apes. No, I wasn’t buying into that, so I kept digging. I read all kinds of history publications, watched numerous documentaries, studied other religious beliefs and ventured way off to some other controversial topics that left my head spinning. I was more confused than when I first started out. What set out as an...