Skip to main content

Broken Promises

At the beginning of a women’s bible study group, it was my deep, intimate prayer that God bless me with some “healthy relationships.” Funny thing is—I can’t ever recall that being a specific prayer of mine. I operated in my “own will” of seeking out complimentary attributes. I used to jokingly say to friends that I was a magnet for “rejects.” Not in a sense of downing anyone, but I always attracted people who just weren’t emotionally capable of loving me. In other words, my brokenness attracted brokenness! I was secretly addicted to pain, sadness & suffering. I identified with people who had similar battle wounds. We “survived” together in our own dysfunctional pity. 

Then there were other connections that I always had to “guess” at what I meant to them. Their actions sent mixed signals. At first, I was great. Then not so great. Then only a distant memory. I just couldn’t trust my heart to know what the “norm” was cause every time others “showed up” in any capacity, seems like their “stay” was very short lived. I didn’t understand because I “loved hard!” I wasn’t a “in your face type person” but I aggressively loved from the sidelines! However, few took notice cause I never wanted the spotlight. Behind the scenes was my position! It grew to be my comfort zone. I would be in a room & nobody would ever notice! That was fine with me! Attention to me brought negative vibes or so I thought.

I prayed & God start moving in ways that not even I understood. I started to let my guards down. I started to relax more. I even found myself “laughing hysterically” at things that probably weren’t that funny. My sense of humor has always been a “work in progress,” but I begin to enjoy fellowship with others. I’m not timid but a little on the shy side, so this was big business for me! I meet two ladies for coffee last week on a rainy, cold night before a meeting. We all admitted that we wanted to cancel; but yet, we all pressed & had a great time. We talked until ten minutes before our meeting & we still didn’t want to leave. In fact, they texted me saying, “they wanted to meet again this week!” The irony is we are a diverse group of women that appear to have nothing in common BUT we have everything in common! We represent different walks of life, culture & backgrounds; yet, we don’t see these things. We look with our hearts! We love on each other without judgment, prejudice or biases. We don’t even know each other’s last name(it’s not even important) but they have become apart of my extended family.

I’m simply in awe of God’s grace & mercy. Many times, I’m so distracted by who hasn’t shown up, who won’t connect or has rejected me that I fail to reverence who has always “accepted” me, even in my shortcomings. When you look around, the numbers are truly irrelevant cause when you look up, he’s always right there—waiting!

I lived a long, miserable life, waiting unrealistically for something that may never show up. I took my eyes off of him cause I was distracted by worldly measures of success. Even though, I’ve never wanted anyone else’s cause I know mine was unique. It didn’t show up in material things, a man or packaged to perfection. I would surely know it when I saw it or felt it. 

Recently, it was “showing up” but I was scared. Imagine the thing/person you’ve waited for your entire life & you’re scared to acknowledge their presence. Surely, others came to stay in my life but it was temporary so I was justified in feeling doubtful; right? Wrong!  We’re so quick to point fingers at who “broke promises” to us, but how many times have we broke our promises to God? How many “last times” have we petitioned God for & then continued on as if he forgot? How many times have we hid our sins from the world, as if God couldn’t see it? How many times have we gave up on him cause we couldn’t feel his presence?

I can say today, that our relationship is no longer one-sided. I can truly feel & accept his love without guilt in a supernatural way! I have opened my heart to fully let him in. I’m not perfect but I’m his! I might not be the most popular, life of the party or social butterfly, but I’m evolving one day at a time. (most humbly)

When we don’t keep our promises to him, he still keeps his promises to us! I’m most thankful about it; aren’t you?


Valuable Life Lesson learned.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Broken Covenant

Once upon a time— I wanted to believe something was real so desperately that I silenced the Spirit within me just to keep the illusion alive. I saw every red flag— not as warnings, but as tests of how much  I was willing to endure to feel chosen. I asked no questions because truth was already whispering, and I feared what obedience would cost me. So I made a covenant with denial— calling lies “grace,” and confusion “patience,” because the truth felt too vast, too holy, too disruptive to the future I had built in my mind. I clung to potential like it was promise, and mistook absence for peace. Yet the weight of it— this thing I called love— crushed my spirit daily. Still, desperation dressed itself as loyalty and convinced me to stay. And it didn’t get better. It decayed. Quietly at first… then unmistakably. Each time God unveiled truth, I chose the comfort of shadows over the calling of light. I pleaded. I prayed. I begged— not for revelation, but for permission to remain where I w...
Post a Comment
Read more

From Chaos to Calm

After a while… the need to be heard at full volume begins to dissolve. The rooftops grow silent. The flames you once fed with trembling hands no longer feel like power— only exhaustion. What you burned never built a home. And somewhere along the way, you realize— not every echo returns, not every seed takes root, not every mountain was yours to climb. The grace you poured out like water in a desert, the love you offered with open, unguarded hands— it did not come back the way you imagined. And still… you are here. So instead of fighting what refuses to bend, you loosen your grip. Not in defeat— but in awakening. You release the need to be answered, to be chosen, to be understood by those who never learned your language. Your hands, once reaching outward, begin to rise— not in desperation, but in devotion. Upward. Open. Steady. God… I see You now in the quiet I once avoided. I hear You not in the thunder— but in the space where my striving used to live. And I am ready. Something within ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)

What unsettles me most about some people is not the harm they cause— but the silence that follows it. No conviction. No trembling. No evidence that a soul was ever stirred. As if something sacred once lived there… and quietly left. What remains is form without fire. A body that breathes, but does not  feel . A Walking corpse. Spiritually vacant,  yet socially skilled— fluent in imitation, but foreign to truth. They move through people like weather— touching everything, anchoring nowhere. I once mistook that emptiness for mystery. Confused detachment with depth. Thought restraint was discipline, when it was really disconnection. But there was  no rootedness in him— only appetite. An endless hunger dressed as desire. A man grazing on bodies, scrolling through souls like they were disposable moments. Not searching. Not building. Just consuming— to quiet something unnamed within him. Unhealed wounds don’t stay still. They wander. From bed to bed, from face to face, from high ...
Post a Comment
Read more