A Daily Dose of Freedom

"You is kind. You is smart. You is important." ---Kathryn Stockett, The Help I spent the younger years of my life popping wheelies on a "hand me down" dirt bike, kicking up dust down a long, desolate dirt road in the middle of "no man's land!" At least, that's what it felt like! Home was a little red house with a tin roof, no running water, central heating or indoor plumbing. That's right, no bathroom! All we had was an "outhouse" that terrified me! My older cousin used to tease me with stories about it being a snake den and if he caught me using it, he was gonna lock me in it! Needless to say, I never went in there! It took a wild imagination to create a modern day necessasity (bathroom) out of practically nothing but I'll spare you the details. My grandma, my primary caregiver and strongest woman I know, survived the Great Depression, grew up without her mother, (who died when she was a small child), only had a sixth grade educ...

Since relaunching this blog, I've changed names more than a dozen times. It's been "Brown Girl Inspiration," which felt too restrictive for obvious reasons. It's been "Queens for Change," which came from a vision of having a tribe of women on a mission to change the world, starting with self and focusing on health and wellness. I tried my best to keep other women, as well as myself, motivated to lose weight and become healthier but even that proved to be a struggle. When the intital excitement wore off, the group dwindled and I struggled to keep myself on track. I didn't want others to "stumble" as a result of my struggle, so I counted it a failed attempt and moved on. I mean what happens when there's a vision without a tribe? There's just no story! Then it became "Hear My Cries," a story of redemption, to share my story as a testimony to others, but that felt too depressing! So today, it's "A Daily Dose of Shuga...

When the New Year rolled in, I had already fallen off the vegan bandwagon. I had become a walking fast food billboard with all the bulges and rolls to prove I was 100% committed to self destruction. I was definitely moving backwards fast. Food felt good! It felt safe. It couldn't mock my pain. It wasn't intimidating. It was just "available"-everywhere! I ate when I was happy, sad, nervous or even bored! I ate socially to celebrate special occasions. I ate alone to ease the pain. I woke up eating and went to bed eating. Food was my drug of choice! Seems like my stomach had become one, big non-stop party---"Aye, I'll eat to that!" It didn't matter if I was fellowshiping with others, dining alone or laying around sulking. There was absolutely nothing a gallon of ice cream couldn't cure. I had it bad! Talking about if you gonna go out, might as well "go all the way out" is exactly what I did! The caffeine in the Pepsi, I was threw ba...

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." --Matthew 6:19-21 I come from a tribe of strong, independent women that literally had to make a "dollar out of fifteen cents." There was barely enough to go around, but God always made the necessary provisions. The lights were never disconnected. I never went to bed hungry. There were never any holes in my shoes, even though they were hand-me-downs. Although we never went without, the "spirit of lack" became embedded into our families' DNA. My grandma has always clinged to "stuff!" She never threw anything away because (in her mind) there was someone out there who needed it (the stuff). The problem was- the more she donated to others, the...

Sometime ago Bishop Atwater preached a sermon entitled, "You Can Be Pitiful or Powerful," but you can't be both. That sermon spoke directly to the "void" in my life! It was a subtle wake up call and reminder that you can't rightfully hold hands with God with a "defeated mindset!" You can't proclaim victory while being a victim! You can't straddle the fence of "uncertainty" and then expect instant manifestations. God's full abundance is obtained from obedience and resiliency! There aren't any shortcuts. You can't skip the process and reap a premature harvest! In other words, you gotta go through to get the breakthrough! "My brethren count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and wi...

"Sometimes you have to let everything go---purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything-whatever is bringing you down-get rid of it. Because you will find that when you are free, your true creativity, your true self comes out." ---Tina Turner After an emotionally exhausting year of ups and downs, when December (my birthday month) came I went from “Lord, "fix it" to  Lord, give me "rest!" There wasn't any room on my plate for much of anything, not even an ounce of "hope" for my life's "situation!" Come December, "hidden dysfunction" had secretly become way of life for me. There was no escape! Everywhere I turned, there seemed to be a load of "crap," waiting for me to clean up. The sad part is --it was other family members junk that subconsciously became my responsibility. I'd made myself "available" to others for so long that I spent another frustrated year forgetting about me! It literally ...

John was a young, ambitious mechanic that could “fix” anything, except the drowning sorrow of his alcoholic, fiancée but that didn’t stop him from trying. He worked diligently to make her past nightmares disappear; but the more he tried, the more those dreams became her reality. There was no escape. She accepted her defeat and wore it proudly like a badge of honor. This is who she was and it’s where she belonged.  She was breathing and surviving. That was all she knew. Life hadn’t been too kind to mom and she was a product of unspoken generational curses. It was her fate due to being conceived in darkness. Pain was rooted in her bloodline. There was no celebration of life, just shame and guilt meet by disappointment of another mouth to feed. There was no crib, warm blankets or formula. There was a foreign object offered to her when she cried but it was attached to a tired soul. There was grief and suffering transmitted through those swollen mammal glands. Feeding was painf...

When I initially started this blog back in 2010, I intended to share it solely as a weight loss journey, but there is so much more to me than a love-hate relationship with food. In fact, the "ugly truth" is that I've been secretly struggling with Depression, PTSD & Anxiety for more than a decade. Everytime I stepped forward to be freed from the bondage of my truth, I ran back to my safety net of isolation. Behind closed doors, I was an emotional wreck. I struggled with getting out of bed & putting one foot in front of the other. I struggled with low self-esteem, contributing to binge eating and yet managed to master "faking the funk" in public. No one noticed the pain that was hidden behind the fake smile, the fake laughs, and the bubbly personality! I learned at an early age to "serve others" with my whole heart, even when it meant neglecting my own well-being! But what happens to a “pressure cooker” that fills to capacity & there's no...

So many times in life we wait for the perfect opportunity to live life to the fullest. We hide behind excuses like... when I lose these last 10 pounds, when I get married, when I finish my degree, when I retire, when the kids leave home, when I hit the lottery ....but what happens if “tomorrow” never comes? What happens if you put your dreams and visions on hold for that “ideal moment” that never happens? My point being-we aren’t promised tomorrow but we do have TODAY! Your present circumstances are not by mistake. It may seem foolish to man but makes perfect sense to God. You are not at this very place because he forgot and left you. It’s a well orchestrated plan for you to see his glory and experience him on another level. You don’t need a man made rescue. Man’s best efforts will never “save” you. Make yourself fully available to God and watch him move mightily on your behalf. Position yourself to receive the best of the very best! It’s time to move from the “waiting room”...

Sallie was a forty-seven year old woman trapped in a seven year old body. To say the least, she didn’t get the nurturing she needed as a child. There weren’t any positive affirmations spoken to validate any of her feelings & God seemed like a foreign entity that she’d only heard of in passing. She lacked emotional & physical stability, so she tried to create her own. Despite her best efforts, she fell short so her life played out by watching & waiting from the sidelines. She never gained the confidence to get in the game. She was a hidden gem on the bleachers, cheering everyone else on. That became her passion. Surely, she found her calling. She was destined to becoming the best servant to others while neglecting herself. Most certainly, God would be very pleased. I mean wasn’t her life a modern day parallel to Job? She was drawn to brokenness, people with a sadness in their eyes that resembled hers. Surely, God gave her the compassion to “rescue” them from pa...

I guess I never imagined how time consuming writing two blogs would be. I barely have time to write one, nevertheless two. I have two seperate visions but neither seems to be taking off. I mean, what's a "message" without an audience? Anyway, the negative vibes and restlessness were kicking into overdrive, so I decided to grab my laptop and head to a local bookstore. As a former Sociology major,  I had a peculiar way of "watching people" and making up fictional stories, about what I thought their lives would be like. Surely, venturing out into public would spark some type of creativity. As I sat on the faux, leather couch, with my laptop on a nearby table, I noticed a young woman, wondering aimlessly down the isles. She appeared to be frantically searching for something important. I wanted to help, but I wasn't an employee, so maybe I couldn't provide much assistance. I thought I knew where everything was but offering to help was a bit of a stretch. ...

"When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him." --Job 2:11 I see a lot of people ranting & raving on social media platforms about "staying in their own lane," which doesn't seem to be a bad idea in the text of "minding your own business," and not sowing discord. But then I see the phrase, "solo dolo" accompanied by that. I assume as a way of saying, "I'm doing life by myself!" Basically, suggesting that one "isolates" themselves from others. So I wonder, how is that working for them? It definitely never worked for me. Being a "loner" wasn't much fun, and I don't think God created us to be "social beings" without having "social support!" I mean, why are there millio...

Do you not know that those who perform sacred services eat the food of the temple and those who attend regularly to the altar have their share from the altar? --1 Corinthians 9:13 During the Making Peace with My Past Bible Study, I secretly thought I experienced a midlife crisis or mental breakdown of some nature. The more I prayed for peace, the more God instructed me to do things that were way outside my comfort zone. Sometimes, I willfully obliged without second guessing, but some things I just flat out refused. I tried to conjure up justifiable excuses. I temporarily pretended that it was not the voice of God that I heard, but a figment of my overactive imagination. I'd been attending this particular church for awhile. I liked it but it didn't feel like home, because it wasn't familiar. Every week, I looked for new reasons not to go back. I narrowed in on small, trivial things that appeared to be distractions. I focused in on people's negative body language. I ...

"He is the one you praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes." --Deuteronomy 10:21 I didn't have any formal plans carved out of my schedule for the holiday season. I would go with the "flow" of things, even if that consisted of me, being chained to the couch all day. I attended several Christmas gatherings, with various groups, so I didn't feel neglected. For the first time ever, my social calendar was booked solid! At every function, there were mountains of baked goodies. Those little, red festive plates were filled to capacity. I mindlessly, gorged on a massive influx of sugar and carbs--not one calorie tracked for the holiday. My "extroverted side" slipped out on several occasions. I laughed at every joke, even made some of my own, but my spirit remained heavy. I knew something was missing, but I was almost afraid to ask God. I secretly feared the revelation might send me into a de...

"This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live" --Deuteronomy 30:19 Today, was a bright, sunny but very, windy day. Family and friends dressed in traditional, black attire assembled on the unpaved, church grounds to say "farewell" to one of my first cousin's. As the funeral director called for "flower girls" to come to the front of the line, I happily obliged. I used to run from that "act of service," cause I was so short. I always imagined tripping down with the flower or experiencing some kind of catastrophic, humuliating moment. As the double doors swung open, I was astonished! It was the same familiar, white little, building from childhood memory, my families' home church. I couldn't believe it looked the same. The blue carpet, wood pews, and choir stand hadn't changed a bit. The only ...

"Do not confirm to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." ----Romans 12:2 Our primary social skills are shaped by our immediate family unit. We are subconsiously conditioned by our upbringing and environment. For some of us, that family unit was far from the likes of the televised sitcom, "The Cosby Show." Some of us came from families that could've easily been regular, reappearing guests on shows like Jerry Springer, Maury Povich or Judge Judy. Some of our living rooms mirrored "reality television," before it even became popular. The surrounding walls that housed my family unit didn't look anything like the upkept, comfortable bungalow that Aunt Bea maintained on the Andy Griffith Show. Our abode had more commonalities of the Fred Sanford Show. I'm not complaining, because we never experienced much lac...

"He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD!" -Psalm 113:9 We've seen God's faithfulness unravel many times in the Bible with stories like Isaac, who prayed to the Lord on behalf of his barren wife, Rebekah and she conceived. Also, when the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb. We also know that Sarai was barren. Then God remembered Rachel and opened her womb. "For nothing will be impossible with God."         -Luke 1:37 Tonight, several women sat attentively listening to Pastor Spivey deliver a timely message about "expectations." As we close out this season and enter into our upcoming season, she posed several questions that hit home for many and made each one of us shift uncomfortably in our seats. While everyone carries their own unique stories' close to their hearts, we are in different seasons. However, there was one shared commonality--each of us "expected"...

"Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them."                                                                                                               -John 7:38 After repeatedly bouncing back and forth between two extremes, hot or cold, I never enjoyed the freedom to fully experience "stability" firsthand. No wonder, I found myself as a lost "adult child." I sat faithfully at the bus stop, ...