When I was younger, my escape from reality was found on pages of books. That was my favorite pass time, as it is today. I've read many self help books, studied the bible faithfully, lived to the best of my God given ability. I'm far from perfect but I am genuine, honest and very loyal. I thirst for knowledge, like some hunger for things. I don't bother anyone, am not a busy body, don't have a lot of bad habits & I don't live recklessly. What was I missing? Why was I still sprinting from place to place, but yet still standing still? I know you're tired of reading about my routine exhaustion, just as much as I'm tired of mentioning it.
Yesterday, I took a huge break. I didn't "pause" but I got some much needed rest. I slept so much it gave me an excruciating headache. I forced myself off the couch, which has become my bed because I'm up all hours of the night. A good night's rest is often unheard of because I sleep, eat & dream my visions come to pass. Yesterday, I had a come to Jesus moment, I searched the scriptures, prayed & meditated till I could hear clearly from him. I desperately needed to know what I was doing wrong? He dropped two words in my spirit---fear & disobedience. The two things (I thought) I was already actively working on. Was I not doing enough? I mean, I was already "running at full capacity!" There wasn't much room for anything else!
A moment of sadness fell over me as I searched my heart for answers. Why was I still in a season of "stagnation?" Then God bought some things back to memory. He advised me to ask a person for something, nothing tangible, but for their time. I observed their busy schedule, so I thought I would go through the "back door." I did something else! I got just what I had bargained for---nothing! I secretly knew that harvest would never yield the crop I anticipated. So here I was, struggling with disobedience & fear again! God had to put me in my place! His word clearly says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. -John 14:27
Obtaining the knowledge is useless, if you fail to apply the principles. You would've thought I would already know that by now. I did, but I was still trying to do it my way (I guess).
I was still operating from a place of fear & disobedience. I was still comparing my work to others who I felt were better suited. I was doubting the voice of God. The lack of feedback caused me to question him. All that I was doing, just didn't seem like ENOUGH! God immediately reminded me that my expectations were unrealistic. I didn't have sufficient time to work my vision because I was preoccupied with the busyness of life. I committed to things that weren't on his agenda for me. I never asked for his permission, so that's why I kept ending up on the couch restless (busy but yet still standing still). I was giving & giving, but not to me! I said "yes," without consulting him. I was still trying to operate in Superwoman mode. I was waiting & waiting on my own manifestations but too consumed with never-ending obligations. When I dropped one load, I replaced it with two or three other loads. My hands were already full. I didn't have room to receive! No wonder, I felt conviction overtake me! Just the other night, my grandson asked me if I had to go to class, a meeting or anything else. I jokingly laughed cause I had made plans to take him to the library. I stopped dead in my tracks after his next remark. He said he wanted some food cooked on the stove. I thought that was a silly request because where did you cook food? Surely, I didn't feed him microwave cuisine but it didn't immediately dawn on me. I hadn't prepared a home cooked meal in over a month. I was too busy! I made "eating on the go" a way of life! You would've thought the alarm would've sounded loud & clear, realizing that I had gained two pounds. Wait, when was the last time I went to the gym? My priorities shifted without me even being aware. My busyness, repeated disobedience and fear caused me to run fill circles around myself once again.
I look forward to the upcoming down time:
to shift,
to get into the correct posture,
to breathe,
to make my vision a reality,
to refocus my energy,
to enjoy life,
to sit at His feet in obedience (without fear present).
Sometimes we "hijack" our own vision by giving attention to the lesser important things. Every assignment is not yours. Every need doesn't demand your immediate attention.
In order for me to stop landing on the couch, (in a state of "exhaustion) I have to master the art of "BALANCE." It's not going to knock on the door to find me. It's not enough to read about it. It's not enough to say it, but I have to put this thing to practice. You can't work your vision, if your hands are tied to other demands. Accountability is everything! Thankful that God kept demanding my attention until I realized necessary adjustments are mandatory, not up for debate. I was the guilty party! Once again, I was hindering my own process.
What is God telling you to "surrender" in this season? You can't carry the same load into the New Year and expect different results? God is with you but you have to be obedient & take the necessary steps!
Reminder:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."-Joshua 1:9
Yesterday, I took a huge break. I didn't "pause" but I got some much needed rest. I slept so much it gave me an excruciating headache. I forced myself off the couch, which has become my bed because I'm up all hours of the night. A good night's rest is often unheard of because I sleep, eat & dream my visions come to pass. Yesterday, I had a come to Jesus moment, I searched the scriptures, prayed & meditated till I could hear clearly from him. I desperately needed to know what I was doing wrong? He dropped two words in my spirit---fear & disobedience. The two things (I thought) I was already actively working on. Was I not doing enough? I mean, I was already "running at full capacity!" There wasn't much room for anything else!
A moment of sadness fell over me as I searched my heart for answers. Why was I still in a season of "stagnation?" Then God bought some things back to memory. He advised me to ask a person for something, nothing tangible, but for their time. I observed their busy schedule, so I thought I would go through the "back door." I did something else! I got just what I had bargained for---nothing! I secretly knew that harvest would never yield the crop I anticipated. So here I was, struggling with disobedience & fear again! God had to put me in my place! His word clearly says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. -John 14:27
Obtaining the knowledge is useless, if you fail to apply the principles. You would've thought I would already know that by now. I did, but I was still trying to do it my way (I guess).
I was still operating from a place of fear & disobedience. I was still comparing my work to others who I felt were better suited. I was doubting the voice of God. The lack of feedback caused me to question him. All that I was doing, just didn't seem like ENOUGH! God immediately reminded me that my expectations were unrealistic. I didn't have sufficient time to work my vision because I was preoccupied with the busyness of life. I committed to things that weren't on his agenda for me. I never asked for his permission, so that's why I kept ending up on the couch restless (busy but yet still standing still). I was giving & giving, but not to me! I said "yes," without consulting him. I was still trying to operate in Superwoman mode. I was waiting & waiting on my own manifestations but too consumed with never-ending obligations. When I dropped one load, I replaced it with two or three other loads. My hands were already full. I didn't have room to receive! No wonder, I felt conviction overtake me! Just the other night, my grandson asked me if I had to go to class, a meeting or anything else. I jokingly laughed cause I had made plans to take him to the library. I stopped dead in my tracks after his next remark. He said he wanted some food cooked on the stove. I thought that was a silly request because where did you cook food? Surely, I didn't feed him microwave cuisine but it didn't immediately dawn on me. I hadn't prepared a home cooked meal in over a month. I was too busy! I made "eating on the go" a way of life! You would've thought the alarm would've sounded loud & clear, realizing that I had gained two pounds. Wait, when was the last time I went to the gym? My priorities shifted without me even being aware. My busyness, repeated disobedience and fear caused me to run fill circles around myself once again.
I look forward to the upcoming down time:
to shift,
to get into the correct posture,
to breathe,
to make my vision a reality,
to refocus my energy,
to enjoy life,
to sit at His feet in obedience (without fear present).
Sometimes we "hijack" our own vision by giving attention to the lesser important things. Every assignment is not yours. Every need doesn't demand your immediate attention.
In order for me to stop landing on the couch, (in a state of "exhaustion) I have to master the art of "BALANCE." It's not going to knock on the door to find me. It's not enough to read about it. It's not enough to say it, but I have to put this thing to practice. You can't work your vision, if your hands are tied to other demands. Accountability is everything! Thankful that God kept demanding my attention until I realized necessary adjustments are mandatory, not up for debate. I was the guilty party! Once again, I was hindering my own process.
What is God telling you to "surrender" in this season? You can't carry the same load into the New Year and expect different results? God is with you but you have to be obedient & take the necessary steps!
Reminder:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."-Joshua 1:9
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