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Holding On Will Delay The Blessing

God is calling me to a higher level of accountability, the deeper I dig into his word. I know that I'm on the right track but I don't know how the pieces fit! Is there a "potential teacher" hiding underneath the rubbish? Does my "purpose" reside on the transparent pages of my heart? The Bible clearly states, "Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness." (James 3:1) My God, that's a lot of responsibility to undertake. That thought alone, makes my head spin. Maybe "teaching" ain't my thang after all! Maybe I'll continue to seek God's face about this "serving" thing. I was thinking we could start with something on a much smaller scale like holding a door open for somebody, assisting behind the scenes in some capacity or something that doesn't require me to open my mouth, just be physically present. Whatever he has planned for my hands, I just wanna be "faithful" to the call.

These past few months God has been stirring up a colossal hunger to study his word with every passing hour. I dare not complain because I know inadvertently in a round about way I asked for it through solicited prayers. I'm no longer taking baby steps to tip toe into obedience. I'm now sprinting with a strong tightness of conviction swelling up in my chest. This "thing" is so real for me! In fact, I've never felt the urgency to chase after God the way I do now. I keep hearing his instruction to stay close to the fire!  The word says, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17) I've been in the midst of some "blazing, hot fire encounters" lately. Not that I'm making false idols out of anyone, because I don't attempt to put anyone on a pedestal. However, I do strongly trust my God-given discernment to confirm those divine appointments. I know when I've heard a "rhema word" that aligns with God's spirit.

I've spent much of my day, moping around, fishing for a justifiable excuse to skip the last Bible Study Class tonight. One just ended last night, so surely my heart couldn't handle two consecutive endings. Why do I insist on saying, "endings," when God already confirmed it's only the beginning.

Anyway, Priscilla Shirer outdid herself in the last session of "He Speaks To Me: Preparing To Hear From God" The last session was a study on, " A Servant Spirit," which was centered around "submission." This was the most challenging lesson because it caused a lot of self evaluation & reflective moments with God. I felt so convicted in so many different areas of my life. Somewhere along the way, I falsely assumed that  God needed my help. I lived my whole life as a rebel without being fully aware that it was sowing the seeds of disobedience towards him. He had asked me to do things that I flat out refused. Then when conviction set in, I repented. I knew deep within I was still missing the mark. There were "unfavorable emotions" that God was asking me to release but those emotions bought me comfort on a cloudy day. They were apart of my "rainy day fund," my just in case, and my Plan B. How could I depart with all I've ever known but I couldn't risk disobeying God either. How strange that we want to delight ourselves in God's manifestations but ignore the call. He summoned me on several occasions to let these emotions freely go, but I grew immobilized and stagnant by fear. What could possibly be more important than yielding to the voice of God? I ran away with my fig leaves secured. I didn't want to be exposed in his presence. I was holding on tightly to emotions that no longer served me purpose in this season yet I was disappointed that my blessings were being delayed by my own admission of guilt. There was no serpent to blame, I was acting out of my own free will. I had a choice in the matter and my actions were leading with the flesh.

I'm so thankful that God doesn't leave us as he finds us. If we confess our sin, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Reflection:

What are you "holding" onto that's delaying your blessings?
Is it worth the disobedience to God?

Prayer:

Father God,
 Help us to seek your will for our lives daily. Let us rest in the comforts that you know best. Let us not stand in the way or hinder all that you have ordained for our hands. Give us the courage and ability to fully submit to your ways. Remove all doubt, fear, and insecurities that don't align with your word. May we be willing vessels that serve you wholeheartedly & may our lives mirror a reflection of  your goodness. We stand boldly on your promises. In Jesus Name, I pray. AMEN.

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