A Daily Dose of Freedom

But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." Ruth 1:16 Our hands will NEVER depart. I've made some mistakes along the way. Drug my feet through the mud a time or two. Pitched a tent in the wilderness and camped out longer than anticipated. Fell off the mountain top of life's unexpected. Laid by the pool helplessly. Cast my pearls before swine. But one thing, I've never done is Q-U-I-T ! Today, I asked God to purge the residue of sadness lingering from the pit of my belly that contains an overwhelming amount of grief from the losses, transitions, and seasonal changes over the past few months. The inevitable is near and I'm not putting up a fight, but I realize the only thing that is keeping me from collapsing is the prayers of the ones that rally around me. As I watched my grandma wrestle with unrest once again, I ...

Jesus said to her, "Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" John 11:40 Whenever I find myself needing to extend " grace " to myself for mistakes, my arms tend to come up short. However this weekend, I took on more than I could rightfully own. I literally ran myself into the ground trying to "perform."     Somehow, I circled the same block and insisted on showcasing a "united front " that said, "I got this (without help) ! I made an executive decision to spread myself too thin. I juggled responsibilities that were too big for my hands. I miscalculated and leaned too far to the left. The distractions, discomfort and demands got the best of me. I cracked under pressure! The tears were evidence that I hadn't fully shifted. Obviously, I had strayed away once again from God's truth and was still stranded in "survival mode." Between the frustration, tears, and prayers, God interceded and se...

"Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?" John 11:25-26        For the last two days, I've quietly watched my grandma transition from a warrior to a wanderer. Her frail statue, refusal to eat/drink, and extreme exhaustion gives physical cues of her internal state.  I felt the inevitable presence of the death angel nearby once again. My conflicted heart is torn between grief and relief, so the inability to articulate in words comes by way of our love language , placing her hands inside my hands, back massages, and feet rubs. My heart doesn't want her to suffer, but my hands refuse to let go. As I stare at her frame, I sense her spiritual-being has already ascended. There is some obvious peace present but awkward unrest as well. Convincing my head of what my heart knows to be true proves to be a continuous...

It's nearly impossible to convince a person living in poverty that they already have wealth stored in their belly. In the natural, all they see is lack. They have allowed the enemy to arrest their overflow, because they refuse to utilize God's resources. The best way to tap into your inheritance is to ask God to renew your mind. How do you renew your mind? Feed it . ( Meditate on God's word daily and focus on his truth ). Face it . ( Don't ignore your feelings. They won't disappear. Intentionally, cast down "stinking thinking" ). Faith it . ( Belief for God's best to manifest ). Romans 12:2 is not overrated . It says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." I remember being in barren seasons when my belly was never satisfied, because I inadvertently ate my seed. I...

For quite some time, my schedule has been consumed by grunt work. I've been burning the candles at both ends , striving to divide my attention between several unfinished projects, which means mediocre strides, due to my lack of full attention in each capacity. On yesterday, I reached out to a family member for a quick rant, exhaustion had crept in once again, and I couldn't meet the current demands of academic deadlines. Between the synergistic collapse of my physical and emotional well-being, I decided to take an " L ." I failed to produce, because I felt crushed under the slew of silent challenges that played softly in the background. I wrestled immensely with the weight of  defeat. Somehow, I kept finding myself trapped in a twilight zone of dysfunction . I insisted on casting my pearls before swine. My default settings kept pulling me--packed for the pit of people pleasing, rejection issues, and bound by the yokes of perfectionism. I secretly coveted...

In due season, we serve official notice to those lingering spirits that captivate our heart, capture our interest, and command our attention. We hand out titles, like invitations to vested people that we believe are appropriate, based on convenience. Then, we demote them accordingly, when the leaves fall away and the climate changes. We fall in and out of love with people like the weather. We treat them like they're disposable --relevant, then irrelevant. We control the narrative and adjust the thermostat ( as needed ). Either we turn up on them--cold or hot in response to their service. We cultivate doubt and nurture instability (cause we failed to properly wait for God’s instruction ). We jumped on the freeway of love without specific directions. We allowed “feelings ” to navigate and cruise control drove us to destruction. We crashed into truth that exposed our lack of preparation. We packed the wrong bags. We intended to stay forever! We are crushed...

I automatically assumed that I was a “ change agent ” by default, until I kept stumbling over the past, fumbling new plays, and sabotaging wins. Every time I conquered one demon, another showed up. Evolution was a tedious process that I frowned upon and met with reluctance. I took my L’s like an OG . It was like a badge of honor that kept me relevant in the hood. It kept me humble on church pews on Sunday and was evidence of my humanity on Monday. I straddled the fence of know better and do better . I praised in a public posture, but dipped in desperation when the Holy Spirit escorted me home. The anointing vexed those ill-fitting garments of generational curses that hid underneath my skirt. It pierced my heart with truth till I bleed-- freedom . Something about freedom scared me, because my heart grew institutionalized by pain. I couldn’t sit on couches of darkness and drink Tequila till numbness immobilized my feet. I couldn’t ration my goods as a sacrifi...

My relationship with my daughter mirrors the strained relationship that I have with my mother. It’s an ongoing, cumulative group effort to extend daily grace, forgiveness, and love on historical monuments of natural emotional disasters. As the saying goes, “W e repeat what we don’t repair .” I definitely walked miles in my mother’s shoes. I made many unhealthy decisions out of distress. I colored in the empty spaces with dark crayons. I unintentionally cultivated an atmosphere conducive to my upbringing, a place of lack. I acclimated my daughter to darkness by traditional family norms. I kept the blinds drawn in our place out of traditional habits that proved that keeping the utility bill down was more important than natural light exposure. I slept for hours to avoid dealing with the pain of being awake, while she played quietly alone. Our resources were scarce. We barely met the minimum. My emotional indebtedness became more of a parental chore. I was ill equipped for the re...

When God shifts the ground beneath our wings, sometimes it’s difficult to convince our mind to advance to the next level. Loyalty rooted from our heart's default presents opposition to our head. It says, "we should continue to answer those dead-end phone calls, acknowledge those random texts, and address those old familiar ties." So we become trapped on the couch of familiarity. We suffocate each time we say " yes " to convenience. We bury our heads in the sand of ignorance to keep from addressing the giants inside the closet. We bargain with God for transformation, but we reject change. Today, is the day to come out the closet. Come out the closet of bitterness . Come out the closet of anger . Come out the closet of rejection . Shake the trap of disappointment . Expecting others to supply your needs is a man made fallacy. Remember--People will only water you for the moment. It NEVER lasts! Aren’t you tired of feeding off t...

I took another step into the redemptive waters of healing and evaluated some dry bones of festering grief. As anxiety tries to swell and my hands begin to become unsteady on this wireless keyboard, God instructs me to take a deep breath as I release this life lesson. It has set like stagnant swamp water rotting in my belly, surrounded by a secret plantation of undocumented, foreign bodies. It has housed slaves shackled in trauma, slaves of darkness, and slaves of fear. Revelation exposes the truth . I had contaminated my field by my own blood shed. I had sown seeds of insecurity, inconsistency, and instability at an early age. When my seeds manifested according to what I planted, I was devastated. The repetitive generational cycle claimed my inheritance. Infestations attacked my fruit. Toxins invaded my soil. My wells contained lead. My seeds suffered toxic lead poisoning, because I wasn’t equipped for the call. My legs collapsed under the pressure of guardianship. My undev...

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17 Despite my passionate love for writing, I struggled to write the introduction for my current research paper. Honestly, the topic was ridiculously heavy. My spirit resonated with the topic, because I  had lived it. It was engraved on the creases of my heart and the residue of the past formed a painful lump in my throat. Growing increasingly frustrated with these feelings, I reached out to a Sister in Christ for some intellectual stimulation. For one, I needed a serious " brain dump " and she always understood the complexity of my overloaded brain, without a long, drawn out disclaimer. She understood my energy beyond the surface level without assumptions, judgment and criticism. She was indeed an anointed powerhouse! A true intercessor that could draw on the Holy Spirit and utter a few power packed words to bring me out of the funk of powerlessness and direct me back to his truth. At an early...

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."  Galatians 1:10 On last night, I retired earlier than the norm to my favorite cozy, bamboo pillows and classic white sheets. It was something nurturing about swaddling myself in that crisp "white sheet" that calmed my sense of uneasiness. However, it was not enough for an uninterrupted night of sleep. My circadian rhythm was all over the place! I woke up several times, just to stare at the uninspiring, bedroom ceiling. When the alarm sounded, my physical frame crashed harder into the grooves of the mattress. The migraine forced me to lay there awhile longer to convince my legs to comply. My spirit was heavy! I needed a supernatural encounter, not another church service. After getting makeup on two separate dresses, I hurried in a frenzy to make it out the door in a halfway decent amount of...

As my academic journey draws closer to an end, I find myself subjected to the most random, evasive questions that back me into a corner of uncertainty. My vague responses give subtle hints that I have not fully tapped into the power of my " next move ." I've listened carefully to everyone's feedback and taken it into consideration. However, I have not felt a tug on my heart into any desired pathway. Honestly, I've not fallen in love with my course of studies and I have reservations about my options. I've patiently ingested the criticism offered by those who have tallied up my strengths and compared them against my weakness. I've entertained the calculated risks associated with current availabilities. However, I can't accurately articulate (in the natural) what God is doing (in the spiritual realm) , but my soul is awakening to supernatural possibilities that don't even exist at the moment. I am believing God for the impossible! I am believing...

"a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." -Ecclesiastes 3:6-8 My cousin promised the boys an early morning pool run which gave me some quiet time. Overhearing their excitement made my heart smile. It didn't take much to get their little, overactive, rambunctious engines roaring. All of a sudden, the minor inconveniences proved to be worth every minute of sacrifice. I loved seeing others happy! It filled my cup. I dragged my feet to the lobby for breakfast and immediately got swallowed up by the crowd. I desperately needed to " recharge my battery " from the prior full day of cramming on last minute homework assignments. I decided to" pause " and enjoy breakfast outdoors on the patio until the rain forced me back indoors. My feet longed to feel the sand beneath m...

On last night, my sleep was not restful. I tossed and turned for many hours. My mind housed a reservoir of " what-if " scenarios and overshadowed my ability to relax and be still. Wow! Was the residue of yesterday's lesson still lingering underneath my sweaty armpits? Was there a foul offense that I committed against someone that needed addressing before I closed my eyes? Was my actions in alignment with his word? Was his hands of forgiveness absent from my repentant heart? As I gasped for air, I woke up in a panic! The temporary " brain fog " impaired my ability to discern whether this was a bad dream. I escaped the confines of my familiar dwelling searching for peace in the ocean view, but I continued to drown in doubt. However, this lack of refreshing sleep sent me probing underneath the covers desperate for answers. What was I missing?  I grew insanely frustrated! The " thorn in my flesh " was uncomfortable. It kept me sleep deprived. ...

I woke up to an amazing view this morning. A breath-taking backdrop of peace and serenity, blue skies draped over calming ripples of never-ending waves. The beach is my "happy place!" The place that makes me "forget" about monotonous daily routines. The place that allows me to "exhale," without judgmental stares. The place that provides an "escape" from the continuity of chaos. For a brief moment, my mind drifted back into an old familiar place, the "imprisoned cage" of constant criticism. I am a undercover," hotel snob." I rolled my eyes in slight disappointment as I inspected every square footage of the close quarters and how it failed to meet my desired expectations. When I travel with kids, I prefer lots of room! We were definitely in a tighter space, than "our norm." We only had one bathroom. There wasn't a full kitchen. We lacked separate bedrooms. The lamenting started to spill over into my morning r...

God gave me a word recently that I thought would help someone else but instead it freed me from another level of bondage. I felt flushed with unfulfillment. I felt the spirit of heaviness rest on my temples. I felt bombarded by “ empty-handed freeloaders ” who conveniently showed up on my doorstep. The harder I worked to insert my “charitable heart” into their hands, the more I found myself emotionally bombarded by their chaos. My resources plummeted by the overwhelming needs. My internal pipes leaked. I insisted on drawing from my well but rarely took the necessary time to replenish my reserve. I was stressed. I was suffocating. I was suffering (once again). I opted out of anything that required too much attention, because I had emotionally checked out. Life became a mundane chore and everything irritated me. The black, Hefty trash bags (full of stuff) in my apartment became an eyesore. My allocated space was filled to maximum capacity, yet I remained empty. Then, it da...

Wouldn't it be great if we could lace up our shoe strings and hit the ground running without distractions, hiccups, or stumbles in our daily routine? However, we know, just as sure as we have a pulse, the "i nevitable " will creep in (without invitation). The world urges us to prepare our hearts to " expect " the unexpected. But what does God say about it? We expect to encounter a little rain on any given cloudy day. We expect life to throw a "curve ball" or two to check our faithfulness on our post. But what about those abrupt wind storms that catch us by surprise ( without fair warning )? Disappointments that show up by way of familiar faces? Rejections that serve an immediate chin check? Overwhelming sadness that punctures a lung during loss? On Monday, my sister in Christ sounded the alarm and reminded me that we have to remain " suited up " and dressed for battle. (Don't allow the enemy to catch you by surprise!) Ephe...