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Will You Go?

"Our storms shouldn't impede our journey because "our faith" is the way maker."
                                                                                                      -A Daily Dose of Freedom

Lord, where has the time gone?

My short hiatus hasn't been the result of back sliding to the wilderness or secretly struggling with strongholds in the privacy of my four walls. God intentionally placed me in a secluded place to do some serious soul searching. To get my head on straight and understand this "purpose" thing a bit more.

You see for years, I've sat on the sidelines, nurturing "unworthiness." I spoon fed the doubt, insecurities and fears that the enemy planted in my spirit. (Trust me, what you feed will definitely grow)! And boy did it grow!

When I mustered up enough strength to peek my head outside of my confined box, rejection tried to steal God's plans for my life. In my mind, I wasn't the "ideal" warrior. I didn't belong in the fight. I didn't look the part, act the part or have that something special so I "played my position" in the background. "Attention" is an uncomfortable place for me. ( It's my thorn that resembles Paul's). I simply don't like the spotlight. Guess that's why I've always avoided "active duty" in ministry. Surely, God would never equip me for the frontline. I've always been the advocate for the "underdog," because early child servanthood taught me that it's unselfish to fight for others; while yet, turning the other cheek to my own battle scars.

But at some point, you gotta find the courage in God to boldly stand and let the enemy know that you will not be bullied into submission by force. You literally gotta pick up the sword (the word of God) and start swinging for dear life. I refuse to spiritually die, while laying on my back with breath in my body. So I spent the month of June, swinging on the enemy. And the fact that I'm still standing should explain how that went. 

And let's face it--sometimes we call it "quits"way too soon! We lose the battle prematurely cause we never gained the courage to endure till the end. Well, obviously this is not my ending and it's safe to assume it's not yours either, if you are reading this. 

When I started this blog, I wasn't fully prepared for the critics, the shared transparency or exposure of my innermost vulnerabilities. Sometimes, I would get so lost into my words that I would have to wholeheartedly seek God's face to ensure that I wasn't navigating outside of His permissive will. Then doubt kicked into overdrive as I encountered others that were better writers and those that God called to share their hearts with more experience than me. So I questioned the call, my gift, and my purpose in Him! I begin to retreat to the background and shut down. I figured if I would just "ignore it,"  then maybe "it" would go quietly away. Funny, "it" never did....the "hunger" grew stronger despite my reluctancy to feed it.

This morning as I rolled out of bed, I felt a bit sleep deprived and uninterested in adhering to any realistic expectations of time management. In other words, I didn't care about all the glitz and glam of picking out a cute outfit, doing my makeup or matching shoes with purses. I didn't even care if I made it to church on time, as long as I made it there safely. I really wasn't in a hurry to do anything this morning. I wasn't moping around but I wasn't fully charged with an automatic praise of worship either.

I downed a shake for breakfast, popped a handful of multivitamins and proceeded to head out the door. As I drove to my destination, with worship music playing softly in the background, conviction set in. Here I was, on my way to worship, acting like God hadn't being moving in my life. Everything about me was different. My season had indeed changed. I wasn't defeated, broken down and barely making it. I wasn't moved by the winds. The storms no longer sent me trembling under the covers of defeat. My faith was finally rooted. But my "passion" was starving cause I was still entertaining the doubt on occasion.

When I reached my destination, a sense of brokenness and heaviness broke out. I wasn't about to forfeit this fight though, cause I'd been alone with God, studying about Spiritual Warfare and I wasn't scared to travail. I cast down every spiritual wickedness in high places through the power and authority of God and came out unscathed. 

God is so on point. How befitting that the message on today was "Water Walker." It almost felt like I was in a dream. Who knew that God would be so kind to send this local Pastor, my friend and mentor to speak to my spirit with such a timely word? I won't give her nuggets away but my spirit man leaped out the boat of my comfort zone and began to walk on the water right there, on the spot. I felt free. I felt like I was dancing on the water for the first time in a long time.

What has God commissioned you to do in this season, but you've allowed your fears to starve your dreams?

Imagine who is suffering due to your disobedience.

Why would you ever intentionally stifle God's gifts and abort His purpose for your life?

I will leave you with this by Pastor Keisha Spivey, "Why does the wind determine your when?"

God has already sanctioned the call, what is your response? 

WILL YOU GO?


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