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Destiny Awaits

On Friday, I tried to blog at least four or five times but the enemy kept sending petty interruptions my way. Well, maybe it wasn’t the enemy at all. Now, that I’m over all the endless shenanigans, I’m sure it was God’s protection. He wouldn’t allow me to fall flat on my face and completely stumble on my post. However, the more proactive I tried to be in conflict resolution, the more my flesh wanted to react.
In this season, "time management" is at the top of my priority chain and little roadblocks have attempted to rob my serenity and tried my patience a time or two. As a result, I planned to write a sassy little piece about "burning bridges" because I was super annoyed. Every time I set out to pen my thoughts, a distraction claimed my immediate attention.
By the end of the day, I was livid. I encountered one epic failure after another. When I finally arrived to my hair appointment, I told the hairdresser to cut it all off. There was a storm brewing on the inside and I was one stop short of a raging time bomb. It felt like I was waking up to serve other’s daily needs and I was paying the ultimate price--my peace!
I couldn’t piece together a regular routine with established boundaries. The agenda kept changing daily without my input but at my expense! I was still living on other’s terms, at everyone’s beck and call--the on demand help! I wasn’t happy about too much of anything that was happening around me nor within me. I was giving, giving and giving, yet I remained thirsty. Consequently, I kept coming up short on my end. Here I was --slowly unraveling again but who knew? I dare not inconvenience anyone with the simplicity of my frustrations.
Everyone has their own share of struggles, so I wasn’t expecting any kind of subtle act of intervention. In fact, I had abandoned all my peer based support groups to make myself available to others and I was growing increasingly bitter and resentful by the day. Every time my phone rang, someone had a last minute request and I was screaming on the inside, while trying to make it look effortless on the outside. My talk therapy was non-existent and failed by the wayside. My prayers sounded like a broken record of petitions that fell on deaf ears. (Don’t crucify me, I knew better but that’s how I felt).
I thrive in "order" but fail tremendously in chaos....
It was taking way too long to read a friend’s manuscript that I could’ve read in a few days with a disciplined mindset.
Working on my own writing proved to be a unique challenge without scheduled quiet time.
Keeping healthy goals a priority was a failed attempt subconsciously paused.
Planning balanced meals presented scheduling conflicts due to eating on the go.
Maintaining a positive posture with a smile on my face seemed nearly impossible.
During my haircut, I started to inspect the split, damaged ends falling to the floor. I started thinking about what those natural tresses had endured over Fall and Winter. Physically, I literally felt the relief from the dead weight being lifted. I didn’t feel anything emotionally though. I was numb for a change--a dangerous place to be!
Self-preservation light bulbs goes off...To protect my future sanity, I will intentionally start cutting people’s access to me. My phone will be turned off during my down time. It’s four months into the year and my personal goals are pilling up, my gym time is sporadic and I’m always my last choice! I’ve gone with the flow for so long, the requests micmic never ending demands. What bothers me the most? The lack of consideration shown for the time I serve unselfishly is never sufficient.
Life Lesson: Don’t stay longer than needed to effectively learn the lesson and move on. Don’t stay bound on a hopeless merry-go-round of people pleasing with intentions of gaining acceptance and validating your self-worth. Your value isn’t performance based. There’s nothing you can do to gain favor with folks. They will move the finish line every time you commit. Stay in sync with God’s will and let him order your steps. Your destiny is waiting for your obedient response! What will you choose?
"Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are." --Theodore Roosevelt


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