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The Weight of Rejection

For the past couple of weeks, seems like I’ve been on the receiving end of some brutal spiritual warfare. My flesh-subjected to excruciating migraines and ongoing inflammation that literally had me reaching for a Goody powder multiple times throughout the day just to function at mediocre. 

I knew I was “stressed,” but I refused to utter that truth out of my mouth. I wasn’t about to claim it and more determined not to fold under the pressure. I wasn’t a stranger to discomfort, so I knew this attack would soon pass. God had brought me out of worst and I trusted Him to do the same. I flinched but I didn’t fall.

I kept praying on the matter. God kept showing me the “culprit,” but I did everything in my power to resist the truth. I could see the problem plain as day but I kept going, trying to ignore what I knew to be true. 

Sometimes we consider “disappointments” as personal failures that crush our ego, bruise our hands and leave a slight stain on our heart that resemble an old unhealed, wound.

However, whenever we fail to take heed to God’s warnings, there’s always more trouble waiting up the road ahead.

Anyway, I was dead set against going to the doctor, cause I already knew what needed to happen. (We always know!) As I drove down the road one day, numbness and tingling started to travel down both arms. Fear screamed, make the doctor’s appointment already! I made the appointment (which later got canceled due to a scheduling conflict) but my healer was already sending revelation but I insisted on dragging the “rejection weight” along for the journey.

It was heavy.

It was an eyesore.

It was a burden.

It was unnecessary.

I started dragging myself from my friend’s couches for a safe landing cause as I stated on yesterday, I was fighting air. I was swinging, giving my best shots, aiming high but losing the battle because it wasn’t mine to fight. Everything within my “own” power was useless, limited and pointless. Basically, I was traveling outside of my jurisdiction. This won’t your average fist fight. I was a big girl that has never backed down, when it comes to standing up for myself, but this was something totally different.

Then this happened....Woke up this morning feeling feverish, body aches, chills, sneezing (what appears to be a cold). Not a fan of being sick, so I strived to knock this right on out. I made a quick run before I headed back to bed and my “check engine” light pops on. Talk bout feeling “defeated!”

I attempted to waddle for a brief moment in self-pity but I knew better. I started trying to imagine every scenario of how “this thing” could be so much bigger than it was. I also thought about how God was still aiming to get my attention over the last couple of weeks.

Here he was again, signaling me with my check engine light, warning me to stop!

Sometimes, we just try too hard. We climb the tower of “unrealistic expectations,” trying to be the savior of matters that are bigger than our hands can rightfully hold.

We spot the attacker in his disguise.

We see the intentional attacks from afar.

We refuse to surrender cause we think it means failure. 

We discredit our discernment to justify staying in the fight (but it’s not out battle).

However, don’t be easily swayed by the disappointments you encounter. Rejection serves purpose too. Sometimes, God is nudging us in a different direction because He knows that our best efforts will never pan out. He knows when the load is too heavy and it just ain’t our assignment.

When there is no peace on the matter, his provision will not follow suit. Giving up ain’t always taking an “L.” Sometimes, it’s actually a win that says, I trust God for my best. The crumbs rationed from the table don’t sustain my position in him. I choose to wait patiently for His abundance.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.” -John 14:1

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