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The Power of Vulnerability

 Hear my heart speak clearly with this one.

My reluctancy to blog "consistently" hasn't come from a place of slothfulness or abandonment, but it's been an intense period of deep self-actualization. God forced me outside on the back porch with a shovel in hand to dig in the ditch. I had to pull up all the surrounding weeds by the root at my own pace. Most importantly, I had to let go of somethings that kept my feet stuck in the mud. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't impossible either! God, truly was the source of my strength in all of my weaknesses. 

I needed to "feel" things that I was blatantly avoiding, without public scrutiny present.
I needed to "step" back and take a closer look in the mirror without resentment, doubt and insecurities running laps around me. 
I needed to "see" myself the way that God sees me and less of how (I felt) the world sees me.  
I needed to "catch" my breath behind closed doors without interruption.
I needed to "establish" healthy boundaries between my introverted personality among extroverted friends. 

I didn't need another added outlet, a rescue or crisis intervention but I needed to be completely delivered---set free from the spirit of "rejection." It was secretly tormenting me. I found myself doing the same ole two step to the same ole beat. I was recycling old encounters with new faces. 

God intentionally interrupted the music replay, as my mentor (completely unaware of my inner struggles) handed me a CD by Pastor Sheryl Brady one day. Catch this confirmation---the name of the message was "The Value of Vulnerability." Talk about God's omnipotent power, I couldn't have prayed for a more divine appointment. 

Anyway, I was feeling "some type of way" about openly sharing my weaknesses on this blog. My transparency was starting to make me a little uncomfortable, not that I was ashamed. However, my story didn't come packaged all beautiful and full of sunshine, roses and rainbows after the storms. Let's be honest, people don't always want to hear about your struggles because sometimes it reminds them of their own shortcomings. 

As I was driving home that night, I heard Pastor Brady say, "The world hides stuff but the Bible doesn't. The Bible refers to two men in the Bible as meek--Jesus and Moses. Moses had anger issues, killed Egyptians, broke the Ten Commandments, and smote the rock (instead of speaking to it). His anger issues kept him out of The Promise Land. Abraham was called the "Father of Faith" but lied and called Sarah his sister so that he wouldn't be killed. Where was his faith?"

Without a doubt, God will look at our "greatest weakness" and call it "strength!" How many times have you heard people say that your weakness and your strengths can sometimes be the same thing?I'm sure this is true for me; because sometimes my "honesty" feels like a blessing and a curse for obvious reasons, including this blog. Salvation doesn't come with a guaranteed stamp of perfection.  There will be mistakes, failures and obstacles. So at some point, you gotta ask yourself (in all honesty) is my assignment done out of obedience to God or the glory of people? 

If nobody ever shows up, will you quit? 
Will you abort your assignment traveling through the wilderness? 
Will you strangle your breech baby, due to complications? 
Will your terminate your pregnancy during delivery? 
Will you disconnect God's call to answer man's?
Will you cancel God's best from arriving?

"Gideon was a coward, timid, and scared but God called him a mighty man of valor. Peter was irrational, unstable, impulsive, emotional but God called him a rock. God called those things that weren't as if they were." -S. Brady 

Today, as I sat smack dab in front of a panel at a Singles Conference in Raleigh, God reminded me about "the power of vulnerability."  All the mighty men and women in the Bible had issues, but it didn't stop God from using them.

Don't hold yourself a prisoner to doubt! 
God chose you for a reason! 
He is pouring out His blessings, but are you in position to receive?
 Do you seek perfection or permission from Him to move ahead?

"You have kept count of my tossing; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" 
  -Psalm 56:8

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