The Thorn In My Flesh

2 Corinthians 12:6-10

I have plenty to boast about and would be no fool in doing it, because I would be telling the truth. But I won’t do it. I don’t want anyone to think more highly of me than what they can actually see in my life and my message, even though I have received wonderful revelations from God. But to keep me from getting puffed up, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from getting proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Some people misconstrue my quiet spirit as self-absorption. Well, those, in particularly, that don’t have a full understanding of the personality of introverts. I’m like a sponge in the presence of others. I view all “social interaction” as a learning or growth opportunity. I jokingly tell friends, “You either have my attention or you don’t; cause, my “attention span” is a little challenged at times.” They laugh wholeheartedly at my honesty; cause they understand my sense of humor is still a “work in progress.” In other words, it’s a honest joke—bout as good as it gets for now. Don’t judge me, I’m still trying!

To the posse (in Pastor Richard words) that get me:

They relate to my shortcomings without prejudice. 

They get why repetition annoys me. 

They understand I’m a visual learner & will mark up a page with tons of notes that nobody can decipher but me. 

They enjoy my free flowing, creative spirit. They comprehend the hidden compulsion that drives me to nurturers. 

They know why I sprint away from drama.

However, I could never be mad at anyone who decides their life is better off without my presence & who don’t care to occupy my space. I’m drawn to reciprocity these days. Not as a way of receiving, but with the understanding that I need to be replenished too. My needs are equally as important as the next one. God won’t allow me to continue catering to others, while neglecting self. In this season, self-care is not optional but mandatory!

Anyway, what does all this have to do with a thorn? We don’t know what Paul’s thorn was specifically; but I assumed mine was—this unwanted introverted personality. I thrived in the company of extroverts; so why couldn’t I be one too? It was confusing to see either people were drawn to me or almost seemingly repulsed by me. I could comfortably adapt to any environment, as long as I was not the center of attention. I knew for certain that I would be an asset to anyone’s team. I might not be prepared to hit a “home run,” but I could serve in some introverted capacity, even if I only cheered from the sidelines. 

However, my energy hasn’t always been welcomed with excitement; but more so, judged with scrutiny or apprehension. Nobody likes a walking mystery! People raise an eyebrow to the quiet ones. They perceive them as sneaky & often miss out on their innocence. My loyalty is beyond comprehension, even when it’s not deserved. My honesty scares some; cause, they’re secretly afraid that I will tell their secrets. (NOT happening) My commitment to “improvement” is on another level. I’m not bragging or boasting but I was raised by a ninety year old virtuous queen that taught me the importance of a “noble character.” I would rather suffer myself, than to see an ounce of harm done to anyone. Even with all my stronger attributes, I still miss the mark with many. I don’t compliment their agendas or fit their standards. I notice, I never fit in with the social elites, superficial or bougie. I’m a simple person with simple values that isn’t moved by Commercialism.

It used to grieve my spirit & cause me to long for a “tribe of women” that got the real me, not the outer shell. However, I gave & gave but it was never enough. I assumed it was because of that “thorn in my flesh.”

On Monday night, I was among a new tribe of women that don’t mind digging in the dirt with others, including me. I confessed that I was in a funky mood, my spirit was unknowingly heavy & my energy was out of balance. Instead of bashing or dismissing those feelings, they paused, not only to hear me, but listened with their hearts. They validated those feelings but didn’t allow me to surrender to them. We dug those feelings up from the root & processed them together. Everyone actively participated (on one accord) to experience the rawness of the pain. They, not only saw me, but they welcomed the intimate moment without inconvenience. 

Pastor Spivey shared “A Love Letter from God,” I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room. The individual impartations that went forth superseded any expectation & were welcomed with love. The energy immediately shifted & the heaviness was gone. Here, these women were traveling in intercession, yet God showed up for each & every one of them, with more than a small portion. I thank God for the willing vessels that pour so unselfishly to others on a daily basis. They boldly walk out their God-given assignments without any hidden agenda. They labor intensively without complaints.

We’re always so distracted by who don’t support, acknowledge, sow, pour or give; but fail to express our “deepest gratitude” for those that do without question or limitation. What I considered to be a thorn in my flesh, is only a reminder of my humility, like Paul. 

I am a “hopeless romantic” that thrives on stability. It feels super incredible to be in the presence of women that appreciate your presence in return. I’ve never genuinely felt that. 

We respect each other’s boundaries, without offense. 

We share, without biases.

We encourage, without condemnation.

We grow, without reservation.

We thrive; but most importantly, we love unconditionally!

These ladies have shown me the true meaning of healthy friendship & ministry. As I navigate throughout this spiritual journey, “that thorn” makes life more meaningful. It serves as a constant reminder that it is not through my own capabilities, but it’s His, that keeps me. His grace is truly sufficient.