Jonah & Me

I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing tonight in my women’s bible study group. I read the material, did the homework; but, when we discussed Jonah in a lesson, “conviction” feel heavily over me. It seemed absurd that Jonah was trying to run from God. That life lesson was so obvious. I’d heard it a million times, but I wasn’t seeing the parallels to my own life. Here I was laughing at how ridiculous Jonah was, but then I realized I was “Jonah.” Wow!!!

I wept in disappointment. It made me sad to even consider that my present-day life resembled Jonah’s in any capacity. In short, I knew better but why wasn’t I doing better? Why did I insist on running-knowing for sure, I would lose every time? Where was I even running to? Most certainly, “my way” led to the same wilderness experience being repeated over & over again.

“Grief” immediately set in & then someone said a statement aloud that confirmed what I’d been secretly mourning over for a couple of days. For me to hear the statement out loud, meant a new level of “accountability.” I knew God was intentionally sending the correction. I wasn’t mad but I was flabbergasted that I spent days lamenting over this, without realizing the “root cause.” My energy had been “off” since early Sunday morning for no apparent reason; but now, I was beginning to see the bigger picture. God sent the confirmation through an impartation from an obedient vessel to show me what I was missing. Well, maybe “ignoring!”

Witnessing Jonah, through my own reflection, grieved my spirit tremendously, but I needed that self reflection. I needed that “wake up call.” I needed to reposition myself. I needed to continue yielding before God daily. This was not a difficult task, but I was still walking in reluctance, as well as disobedience.

Literally, God had me by the collar & He wasn’t losing his grip. He’s been all up in my face, close & personal, screaming, “Do you see me now?” If I refused to open my eyes before, I definitely couldn’t keep them closed now. He had already officially adopted me & I accepted by my own confession. There weren’t any legitimate excuses to defend my disobedience.  I grieved for the little, lost girl. I wanted her to stay along for the journey. I was holding her captive, against God’s will. I desperately wanted to question God, but I knew better. I knew she couldn’t stay any longer. Her stay was long overdue. Her season was up & it was time to release her into the past, where she belonged—as a distant memory.

God is so faithful, even during our disobedience. He continues to “build my testimony,” regardless of how unworthy I may feel at times. He is building my faith, as I choose to mature in Him, while standing still— to listen.

Keep me in your prayers, as I passionately pursue God’s best for my life—one day at a time, one step at a time.

Love & Blessings throughout your journey as well.