As the saying goes, “We repeat what we don’t repair.” I definitely walked miles in my mother’s shoes. I made many unhealthy decisions out of distress. I colored in the empty spaces with dark crayons.
I unintentionally cultivated an atmosphere conducive to my upbringing, a place of lack.
I acclimated my daughter to darkness by traditional family norms. I kept the blinds drawn in our place out of traditional habits that proved that keeping the utility bill down was more important than natural light exposure. I slept for hours to avoid dealing with the pain of being awake, while she played quietly alone.
Our resources were scarce. We barely met the minimum. My emotional indebtedness became more of a parental chore. I was ill equipped for the responsibilities, so the overwhelming load brought a flood of disappointments.
My misguided assumptions caused unnecessary suffering. I surrendered my parental flag to statistics that proved we were destined to fail. I fought against oppression with carnal weapons and lost!
So thankful that the redemptive power of his blood saved a wretch like me from drowning in darkness, shame and humiliation.
I can’t change what I planted on yesterday, but I take full responsibility for what I sow on today.
Somewhere between what I “lacked” then, God nurtures now.
With every new sunrise, I open the barriers to allow light to dispel darkness.
I sprinkle seeds of His mercy to combat past condemnation.
I search for significance in his truth to abide in love.
With every given opportunity, I plant new trees.
Thank God for his saving grace.
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved"
Ephesians 2:4-5 ESV
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