Beyond the Pit

For quite some time, my schedule has been consumed by grunt work. I've been burning the candles at both ends, striving to divide my attention between several unfinished projects, which means mediocre strides, due to my lack of full attention in each capacity.

On yesterday, I reached out to a family member for a quick rant, exhaustion had crept in once again, and I couldn't meet the current demands of academic deadlines. Between the synergistic collapse of my physical and emotional well-being, I decided to take an "L." I failed to produce, because I felt crushed under the slew of silent challenges that played softly in the background.

I wrestled immensely with the weight of  defeat. Somehow, I kept finding myself trapped in a twilight zone of dysfunction. I insisted on casting my pearls before swine. My default settings kept pulling me--packed for the pit of people pleasing, rejection issues, and bound by the yokes of perfectionism.

I secretly coveted perfection. I wanted my journey to be free from bumps, bruises and bends. I wanted my path to be linear, without curves, speed bumps, and detours. I wanted to win without the attached stress.

How ironic? When God grants us freedom, we retreat intuitively back to the pit.

 My flesh seemed to adore the pit. It was seclusion, my place of refuge when I refused to show up. It was confinement, the place where other imprisoned souls understood the rhythm of my thoughts without articulation. It was the dark place that lacked mirrors, where I intimately dressed in the garments of  self-sabotaging behaviors without guilt.

However, I wasn't out of God's reach, he kept shining light and exposing darkness. Actually, I realize that I've outgrown the pit. The space is too small. It stinks! It houses toxins that produce irritants to abort my spiritual pregnancy.

What pits have you allowed to house your fear, hide your truth, and hinder your purpose?

"And He also spoke a parable to them: "A blind man cannot guide a blind man, can he? Will they not both fall into a pit?" Luke 6:39

Rise up out the pit and lead other prisoners out of darkness. Show them evidence of how you set your bed of freedom on fire but still came out unscathed by the flames and don't smell of smoke. Let the testimony of how you overcame, set others free.