Rewind the Time

"There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying." -Sarah Dessen

When January 2018 caught the masses by surprise with it's seemingly early arrival, I had already hit the ground running. I was making great strides with a meticulous schedule. I made great use of every available opportunity that landed in my lap. I skipped splurging expeditions and ate noodles frequently to free up money for self development workshops, seminars, and lectures. Rarely did I miss a beat. If there was something intellectually appealing going down, I made myself available. 

My social wings grew stronger and as a result my circle expanded. For the first time, I had fun learning with people that shared my interests. Although we held many similarities amongst us, there wasn't any unnecessary comparison, competition or catty scheming. We were too preoccupied with life, miracles and celebrating the surrounding blessings. 

It was refreshing to break bread with genuine people that didn't seem to mind that our tax brackets weren't comparable and our political backgrounds became less relevant. We held on to the love of Christ that secured our family bonds, despite the obvious diversity. We wouldn't allow any barriers to become obstacles or serve as an excuse not to assemble regularly. We were servants on a mission for a greater cause.  

By Summer, my resiliency had gained the attention of a couple that saw fit to sow into my dream. It was definitely a God orchestrated miracle in everyway because "pride" almost cause me to forfeit my blessing. I had convinced myself that I would rather suffer in silence than accept help from anybody. But then God reminded me about the failed attempts to make things happen on my own accord. The provision was made--who was I to deem myself as unworthy?

I had humbly paid my dues without an expectation of any tangible return. I had showed up for others, even cheered them on, but I was scared to take a chance on me.

I imagine the enemy had convinced me that I'd always be sitting in the waiting room tending to the bandages of others. 

However when Fall came, God shook the nest as I prepared to take my first steps and shed the layers of doubt, uncertainty and fear that crippled me. It has been a bitter sweet roller coaster ride with plenty of bumps and bruises but I made it. Whenever I get overwhelmed by looking ahead, God ties a harness around my feet to keep me grounded. Whenever I look back to reach for the familiar, I find that my arms are too short. 

Somedays in silence, my heart plays out melancholic melodies of what-if-scenarios and then it becomes crystal clear. I'm exactly where I need to be. Not too soon and not too late.

Lord Chesterfield said it best, "Take care of the minutes, for the hours will take care of themselves."

Don't try to rewind familiar time.

Embrace the beauty of "today."