My daily obligations have been greeted with an unexpected murky grimace. The lack of physical agility appears to be the most visible culprit and overextended truth. It has only afforded me the opportunity to show up minimally with the added help of over-the-counter migraine medications and swapping them out for natural remedy alternatives. Somewhere between coping and existing, "survival" has become the new norm again.
Although this "periodic relapse" isn’t foreign, the recovery period appears to have grown insanely long.
Self-care routines temporarily mask the underlying temporal tension but doesn’t seem to compensate much for the excruciating heart condition. Life happened again. Stressors triggered that "little switch" that has caused a hormonal overload of emotional chaos.
Nothing feels right cause everything is wrong.
How did I become the "sole proprietor" of this inherited dysfunction?
My simple answer: Proclaiming myself (by fallacy) as the authoritarian of everyone’s crisis, a self-sacrificial martyr in disguise.
Why do we falsely assume that our happiness has to be forfeited in exchange for other’s misery? We unintentionally enable dysfunctional behavior by exchanging our joy for grief, abandoning our dreams and assuming hospice duties at the graveyard.
When loved ones have already made the decision to terminate his promises, your love won’t make them stay. Your love won’t supercede his power. You are not the GREAT I AM who has the final say!
Let God be God.
Know when your enabling season in the valley has expired. Stop coddling in the casket of desperation. Take off your oppression garments and burn them at the cemetery. Release yourself from the burden of darkness (without guilt).
Put one foot in front of the other and walk into 2019 knowing that you can upgrade that earthly dysfunction into a real kingdom inheritance.
It’s all on you God.
Here I am.
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