Unraveling

Every "ending" has a new beginning...

COVID-19 hijacked my 2020 vision.

Doubt silenced the explosive dreams (in my belly) with a sporadic, Diabetic comatose oblivion.

Racism robbed every radical hair of optimism from the roots of my graying head.

Most days, the alarm clock was the only morning reminder of the faint pulse that surprisingly existed after the reservoir of sorrows dried up from the night before.

I had been suffocating under the collapsed bridges of failed attempts.

I had been forced into a shelter of introverted isolation.

I had been confined by self-imposed limitations.

Somehow, "answered prayers" resembled unopened mail, postmarked, "return to sender."

My "hands" kept coming up short!

Days became nights.

Nights became prisons.

Real became fake.

Love became hate.

When I discreetly unveiled "daily vulnerabilities" from underneath the protective mask of the COVID madness, I couldn't tell if my heart was still under subjection of the merciful God that my grandma once prayed to or had I been illegitimately tossed in the wrath of vengeance for any overlooked unrepentant sins.

I was always a day late and a dollar short in man's eyes.

And with each step forward, there were always broken cracks on my sidewalk.

The cracks were the visible signs of unhealed trauma from the brutal, harsh realities of my brown skin, because I was suffocating long before George Floyd's face hit the concrete.

Society stepped on my neck when:

- the fight of good faith was somehow misconstrued into having to turn the other cheek and walk away with our wounds licked, our scars tucked, and our pride misplaced.

- privilege trumps freedom, equality, and justice {for all men}.

- our resistance to comply in silence is deemed as insubordinate to authority.

- our refusal to be bullied into submission makes us appear incoherent and uncivilized.

-my allegiance to my sister and brothers is perceived as a communicated threat and deems me a deviant.

Pardon me, if it seems that we are all "unraveling" in the face of such global adversity.

Pardon me, if we seem a little traumatized by the unhealed attacks of lingering racism.

Pardon me, if you can't feel the depth of pain inflicted by my "dark skin" daily reality.

We are crushed.

We are perplexed.

But we will NOT wave our flags  and  "surrender" to defeat.

We will endure the backlash.

We will continue to fight for freedom.

We will overcome.

We will WIN the war.

We will NOT be moved to the back of the bus.