I Am Not Okay...

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I have been hiding at the foot of the cross trying to make sense of the "unpredictability" of nature.

The mountains of inconceivable thought patterns, the valleys of erratic behaviors, and the swamp of illogical processes have surpassed my natural understanding.

In my confused chronological (headspace) rotation,

I have been the victim of a tumultuous, barren Winter.

I have sprung forward as the aggressive, assailant in Spring.

I have fallen back from the chaos, like the voice of reason in Fall.

I have been like the unwelcomed forest fires in Summer.

I have straddled the white picket, neutral fence of arbitration, full of hesitation, when the seasons don't fully align with the peace promised by the presence of moonlight.

I have cycled through a clone of "cosmic vibrations" that offend my spiritual well-being.

Therefore, I have bleed rivers of frustration, convictions of disappointment, and wounds of sadness.

After digging through the oil wells of subcutaneous complexities, I discovered the culprit rooted in my own flawed, illegitimate thinking.

I subjected myself to the prison of people pleasing.

I tortured myself by allowing the strongholds of inhumane circumstances to house my insecurities.

I longed for true healing and complete freedom, but settled for the highs and lows of seasonal acceptance.

Each time, I unveiled the mask, unraveled the bondage, and undressed the Depression, reoccurring nightmares of idols, dressed in long, white gowns, came to administer injections of vague prophecies.

So when you see me: sitting, silent, sad, and suffering?

Know- that I am NOT okay!

There I said it, 'I AM NOT OKAY!"

**Even when your hands can't possibly hold things that your heart doesn't rightfully understand, just send up genuine prayers.**

We're not looking for a fix, but will you put your faith "in agreement" for complete healing?

Acknowledge "the pain" of people's truth without judgment.

In the Alchemist, Paulo Coelho said, "Life attracts life."

What are you carrying?                                  

Seeds of life

or

seeds of destruction?