At the Crossroads of Indecision

“If we don’t allow God’s truth to take up full residency in our hearts, we may learn just enough to move out of one prison into another.”-Beth Moore

As I closed my eyes on the woes of yesterday, restlessness forced my eyelids back open in approximately 10 minutes flat.

Typically, Autumn brings unwelcomed chaos to my nocturnal circadian rhythms, but this was different. I couldn’t rightfully claim an ounce of Seasonal Affective Disorder in this season. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t depressed. I wasn’t hopeless.

However, I felt “imprisoned” by my own thought process.

Each accomplishment came with a unique set of accompanying headaches. There were unavoidable hills of real life challenges that scrolled on the scene daily. The “issues” multiplied like dirty laundry piles in an isolated corner that became an immediate eyesore each time I scanned the room searching for serenity.

Clutter annoyed me. It stifled my freedom. It derailed my purpose. It turned dreams into nightmares, but it also fueled my survival instinct. I insisted on stockpiling for future rainy days.

However on rainy days, my hands came up empty by omission of Godly counsel and self-reliance.

My mental mind-mapping sessions interrupted my clarity by the crossroad of overwhelming indecision.

I tripped on my own feet. I remained stuck in the past—trapped between who I used to be and who I was becoming.

I had traded one prison door for another.

The new sentencing trial came with stiffer penalties:

It convinced me that my gift was also a curse that should be locked up under lock and key. 

It force feed me lies.

It kept me shackled to the past.

It kept me reaching out, instead of up, for the most reliable hands that wouldn’t fold underneath the opinions of others.

Today, I shifted to the promising side of God’s truth.

I cut a new path and took a step forward towards a freedom that outlast popular endorsements.

A freedom that assures that I was birthed with a purpose, a passion, and a posture to "create" in spite of life's GPS warning that screams, "REROUTING!"