Arm’s Length

Make space for your healing without compromising divine appointments.

In hindsight, sometimes I complain about “juggling roles” because it gets overwhelming, but I overheard my mentor share a profound statement with a group of ladies. She said she only gets burned out whenever she doesn’t allow God to make the necessary provisions for her schedule. I’m not exactly sure what that looks like for her but it made me think about my own lack of time management. It seems as if I’m always on borrowed time cause I unintentionally mismanage mine.

By now, everyone has heard the record spin a thousand times bout my introverted personality. I take staying in my own lane to a whole other level; so much so, that recently God has been tugging at my heart on the matter. Now there are some people that I have to unapologetically keep at arm’s length because their energy weighs me down. I’m simply not strong enough to carry their burdens, but I try to tactfully remind them of who can in good faith.

However, God has been breaking the mold of my introverted, inwardly ways though. Sunday, I heard my Pastor share about how we become unknowingly passive with God. Uh oh, he was on my row! I thought I was becoming increasingly bored with the repetition of a routine and here he was stirring in my pot. Out of a fear of becoming hurt, I’ve always chose to keep people at arm’s length but I didn’t realize that I was keeping God at that same distance. Truthfully, my mouth and my heart were at complete odds.

Every time I get complacent, God kicks it up a notch.

Following church, I went home and started carving out new weekly goals. There was an added charge on my life. I needed to get pass the excuses. Fear still had me bound in some areas and God was exposing my crap for what is was-worthless!

I keep thinking back over those divine appointments I had to be missing because I was consumed with trying to make this a perfect journey instead of a progressive one. I’d heard so many complaints in life that I became a self-centered, punching back. I took daily shots at my self esteem. I was disabled because I allowed condemnation to cripple me.

I secretly refuted God’s truth with my narrow minded beliefs. I ignored his call because I allowed the enemy to seduce me with his lies. Every time, I experienced a major breakthrough I self-sabotaged because I was scared to take the next step. It was much easier to witness everyone around me give birth. My joy would come from watching them birth their destiny and launch out into the deep. Being a midwife felt safe because it didn’t require me to change positions. I could stay nested in the cut until someone summoned me. If they didn’t solicit my help, I wouldn’t oblige. It was a win win—well, until I arrived at Bible Study today.

I walked in on another charge. My self-righteous attitude caused me to make excuses and ignore people and their needs. It pains me to admit this but I didn’t care to be inconvenienced by anyone’s issues. My excuse was that my load was already heavy. I still carried baggage that God told me to put down.

Instead of numbing the pain of this awareness with a huge, plate of guilt laden carbs, I made an executive decision to step out the way. I enjoyed lunch with a group of intercessors that came to the table with lots of grace, mercy and love. Pastor Spivey charged us all to put our faith on display and we did just that for each other and I pray that we continue to do that as we encounter others.

“Arm’s length” may prove to be a safe distance from some people but is it the ordained place by God?