Addicted to the Struggle

Once I fell back in "lust" with carbs, I secretly watched as my physical health spiraled out of control. In public, I ate according to the desired social setting. In the presence of health conscious friends, my plate reflected their healthier options to escape judgment. However, in the company of others, we ate till oblivion or the "itis" set in. I was the "queen of adaptation," so this was no different.

 I was a survivor, a recovering food addict, a chameleon in complete disguise, not to deceive others but to conceal my truth. I was out of control and very few noticed because my conversations reflected such positive vibes. The mastery of deflection at work. My supportive nature became an escape. It was my defense mechanism to avoid the hard conversations about what was happening behind closed doors with me.

Somehow, unknowingly, I re-invited that energy back into my space and I couldn't get rid of it.

No one knew that I was "addicted to the struggle" again.

I treated food like a "sedative." It temporarily numbed the pain, filled the voids and it was pleasurable. "Bread" was my main drug of choice cause it didn't take much to get you there. Where? Sleep! Sleep became my double-edge sword. It was my antidote and avoidance all into one.

On Sunday morning, Pastor Richard said, "Ignoring the devil won't send him away!" I felt like a deer caught in headlights.

I was very guilty of ignoring my struggle. It felt like an unavoidable, hereditary generational curse that adhered to my bloodline. I couldn't manage to escape "it"  for more than a year at a time without relapsing.

Somewhere between the repeated spiritual warfare, I had dropped my weapons once again. I wasn't being proactive in the fight. Somehow, I changed my stance without knowledge. My spiritual posture shifted and I was out of alignment with God's word.

I allowed the enemy to lure me back into the wilderness with my Pharisees attitude in tact. I wasn't a babe in Christ so surely I couldn't possibly get lost! Certainly, I knew the way. Wasn't I following the Most High's GPS? But why wasn't I going the "right" way? How did I detour again? Here I was back lost and grumbling like the Israelites once again.

BUT not for long...….I'm speaking to this mountain and believing by faith that it will flee.

Don't let your wilderness experience rob you of God's promises. Even though, your flesh maybe addicted to the struggle, follow your heart. It already knows the way. God is a man that he would not lie.

 He wants you healed, whole and in good health.

Make space for your healing and forfeit the struggle. Your victory has already been secured.

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all."--Psalm 34:19