The Biggest Critic

One thing that I find pretty annoying in life is someone that attempts to feed my spirit with a bunch of "excuses" about any and everything. It literally makes my insides scream to God for mercy on my ear gates. My anxiety immediately shifts into overdrive with the mention of the word, "can’t." If you wanna see my whole face collapse into a pile of tension, just start ranting off a list of "impossibilities.

Today, I took a breather from my regular, routine schedule to reconnect with some friends and I was blown away at the notable growth I witnessed. They weren’t the same group of women that I shared laughs with over coffee in February. They were vibrant, confident women who were clutching their jewels like the queens they had become. They were in a new season and I was ecstatic to celebrate with them on their newfound journey of success.

I witnessed some break down limitation barriers and crush the enemies’ heads with the lies of fear that stifled creative juices and stunted growth. I saw some go from barely saying two words to bursting out of the seams of their comfort zones and openly share their hearts. I was in the presence of God’s mighty hands at work. Everyone had a brand new story. Even if they weren’t sailing on the mountaintop, they had definitely grown in faith. My heart was overwhelmed with joy. There wasn’t an ounce of defeat in the room.

After reflecting on my day, I had a come to Jesus moment--upfront, personal and real. I was still on a natural high, feeding off of the positive energy of the group. I thought about recent conversations with people were I offered the same ole tired story. I could barely repeat it cause I was tired of acknowledging it. 

To be honest, I wanted to camp out in the background because to have God locate me with his GPS was a little more than I could bare. I was disappointed that He would find me standing in the same spot that he delivered me from. I back tracked to the gutter and had another moment of people pleasing, failed rescue attempts and self sabotage.

Last fall, I took God’s word and hit the ground running. There was absolutely no stopping me. I was on fire for the Lord! Then by late winter, I was losing momentum. The "background noise" was replaying that same old sad song and I was addicted to the same ole two-step. I was secretly drowning in my pain but God proved to be my life jacket. He wouldn’t let me sink all the way under. Each time, I felt my strength slip away, I would receive a random text from a friend offering love, support and encouragement. Even though, I wasn’t physically present, God proved that I wasn’t alone either.

Despite my growing pains, my obnoxious groans and my stubbornness, (like the Israelites) God hadn’t abandoned me. He parted the Red Sea long ago but I refused to walk on the water. Leaving the familiar behind felt too courageous for me. I wasn’t brave like Ruth. Holding on to the familiar didn’t require me to exercise much faith. I wasn’t too fond of stretching outside of my confined boundaries. I wasn’t too big on expanding the perimeters that kept me shackled to other people’s issues. I was a local servant addicted to a grieving heart.

I grieved my past.

I grieved my present.

I grieved the future.

The critic within held me hostage to my own unbelief. I could intercede wholeheartedly for others in total faith but couldn’t muster up the strength to believe God for me--my portion, my abundance, and my total deliverance.

B-U-T

Today, served as an "ordained appointment" for God to pull the wool from over my eyes. Not only had my vision been distorted but my perspective was misaligned. My faith was a little misappropriated by the inner critic that raged with doubt, fear and insecurities. The same critic that yelled that I would be forever praying like Job for others, but would never inherit my double portion. The one that falsely assumed I would never witness my restoration and that my peace was long gone.

H-O-W-E-V-E-R

Don’t let the enemy seduce you into an isolated area of bondage for an easy win.

Don’t allow him to reign freely over your thoughts or attack your mind.

Don’t let him promote his nonsense into your life with acts of deliberate disobedience.

Get up.

Suit up.

Fight.

"But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded."

--2 Chronicles 15:7 ESV

Watch God do the "impossible" in this next season of your life. I know it will be worth the wait! Drown out the critic within with the promises of God. Stay in the race. Your faith will carry you further along than any measure of unbelief.