Not Too Late

When I’m at the gym and there’s an elderly person next to me on the elliptical--killin it, I’m always a little embarrassed. I mean they could literally do laps around me without breaking a sweat, while I’ve dragged myself out of bed just to say, "I made it here today." I guess in my mind, I’ve earned some invisible pat on the back for effort or something! However, my little bragging rights are short lived when I peep their willpower, perseverance and tenacity to go the distance. Plain and simple--ain’t no stopping them! 

As I sat quietly to get some work done, this early morning scenario rang heavily throughout my spirit. We could learn a lot from our predecessors if we just took the time to listen. If we weren’t so dismissive in the company of our elders, we could learn to really endure, without falling all to pieces everytime we stump a toe. 

I’m all for the innovative ideas of the new millennials, but there’s something about "traditional work ethics" that appeal to the procrastinator that lies dormant within when the alarm clock goes off at 5 am and I choose to press snooze. It’s something extraordinary about those last few minutes of sleep that ends up causing me to short change myself at the end of the day. I literally "run out of time" before I get it all done.

Do you ever make excuses for your lack of discipline?

Do you sit stewing in stagnation due to lack of priorities?

Do you hide out in the "closet of defeat" because you fail to put the work in for you (after you’ve worked for others all day)?

It’s not too late to start again.

It’s not too late to try again.

It’s not too late, just do "it" again.

Those lame old excuses are costing you more than your time. They’re costing you--your health, happiness, and productivity. You can’t reach new levels when your hands are full of yesterday’s junk! 

If you really want to progress, then promote yourself to a higher level of faith. In other words, put your faith to work. You got this!

Don’t sell yourself short because you refuse to "show up" to work your dreams, visions and goals.

Position yourself for God’s best.

It’s not too late.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." --Matthew 7:7-8 ESV

The Biggest Critic

One thing that I find pretty annoying in life is someone that attempts to feed my spirit with a bunch of "excuses" about any and everything. It literally makes my insides scream to God for mercy on my ear gates. My anxiety immediately shifts into overdrive with the mention of the word, "can’t." If you wanna see my whole face collapse into a pile of tension, just start ranting off a list of "impossibilities.

Today, I took a breather from my regular, routine schedule to reconnect with some friends and I was blown away at the notable growth I witnessed. They weren’t the same group of women that I shared laughs with over coffee in February. They were vibrant, confident women who were clutching their jewels like the queens they had become. They were in a new season and I was ecstatic to celebrate with them on their newfound journey of success.

I witnessed some break down limitation barriers and crush the enemies’ heads with the lies of fear that stifled creative juices and stunted growth. I saw some go from barely saying two words to bursting out of the seams of their comfort zones and openly share their hearts. I was in the presence of God’s mighty hands at work. Everyone had a brand new story. Even if they weren’t sailing on the mountaintop, they had definitely grown in faith. My heart was overwhelmed with joy. There wasn’t an ounce of defeat in the room.

After reflecting on my day, I had a come to Jesus moment--upfront, personal and real. I was still on a natural high, feeding off of the positive energy of the group. I thought about recent conversations with people were I offered the same ole tired story. I could barely repeat it cause I was tired of acknowledging it. 

To be honest, I wanted to camp out in the background because to have God locate me with his GPS was a little more than I could bare. I was disappointed that He would find me standing in the same spot that he delivered me from. I back tracked to the gutter and had another moment of people pleasing, failed rescue attempts and self sabotage.

Last fall, I took God’s word and hit the ground running. There was absolutely no stopping me. I was on fire for the Lord! Then by late winter, I was losing momentum. The "background noise" was replaying that same old sad song and I was addicted to the same ole two-step. I was secretly drowning in my pain but God proved to be my life jacket. He wouldn’t let me sink all the way under. Each time, I felt my strength slip away, I would receive a random text from a friend offering love, support and encouragement. Even though, I wasn’t physically present, God proved that I wasn’t alone either.

Despite my growing pains, my obnoxious groans and my stubbornness, (like the Israelites) God hadn’t abandoned me. He parted the Red Sea long ago but I refused to walk on the water. Leaving the familiar behind felt too courageous for me. I wasn’t brave like Ruth. Holding on to the familiar didn’t require me to exercise much faith. I wasn’t too fond of stretching outside of my confined boundaries. I wasn’t too big on expanding the perimeters that kept me shackled to other people’s issues. I was a local servant addicted to a grieving heart.

I grieved my past.

I grieved my present.

I grieved the future.

The critic within held me hostage to my own unbelief. I could intercede wholeheartedly for others in total faith but couldn’t muster up the strength to believe God for me--my portion, my abundance, and my total deliverance.

B-U-T

Today, served as an "ordained appointment" for God to pull the wool from over my eyes. Not only had my vision been distorted but my perspective was misaligned. My faith was a little misappropriated by the inner critic that raged with doubt, fear and insecurities. The same critic that yelled that I would be forever praying like Job for others, but would never inherit my double portion. The one that falsely assumed I would never witness my restoration and that my peace was long gone.

H-O-W-E-V-E-R

Don’t let the enemy seduce you into an isolated area of bondage for an easy win.

Don’t allow him to reign freely over your thoughts or attack your mind.

Don’t let him promote his nonsense into your life with acts of deliberate disobedience.

Get up.

Suit up.

Fight.

"But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded."

--2 Chronicles 15:7 ESV

Watch God do the "impossible" in this next season of your life. I know it will be worth the wait! Drown out the critic within with the promises of God. Stay in the race. Your faith will carry you further along than any measure of unbelief.

Don’t Water The Wrong Seeds

Sometimes we find ourselves making excuses for things we refuse to do but secretly cry about the things that never change.

We give until we’re depleted (at our own free will).

We know better but won’t do better.

We run, hide and blame everything and everyone outside of self for our problems.

Why...

Sometimes it’s easier to play the victim when you’re tired. 

Sometimes "change" requires you to put that "mustard seed faith" into real action.

Sometimes we "refuse" to live in submission to God’s will.

Yesterday, I shed some heartfelt tears over a few situations that knocked the breath out of me. (Fresh off vacation...fresh into the lions den) My ego was bruised because I couldn’t bring any resolution to the issues. My heart was crushed because I couldn’t offer any signs of light--my hope was overshadowed by darkness. All of the situations at hand seemed beyond God’s attention. The future seemed pretty bleak regarding the matters. 

I needed God to magnify my "mustard seed" by doing the impossible. I needed him to lend me an ounce of relief and grant me complete peace over the matter.

He dropped this in my spirit. Forgiveness doesn’t mean "reopening" closed doors. Don’t peek, crack, or lay hands on it. God closed them for our protection. You wouldn’t touch a hot stove after being burned; would you? Oh wait, who am I kidding? I know I’ve touched the same blazing, hot stove dozens of times and cried in disbelief upon being repeatedly burned.

Oftentimes we know how to respond to life’s circumstances but we wrestle with our heart because it’s not always our desire to follow God’s plan. We want to change His mind about the matter when He’s already shown us the way.

We hesitate.

We disobey.

We put the dagger in our own chest.

Yesterday, I cried as I made a heartbreaking decision to bury a part of me that I can never get back but God can. In this season, it’s not acceptable to overextend yourself to situations that aren’t apart of your assignment. He already given you a solid- no!

They say that good things fall apart so that better things can come together. Well, I stand at the feet of Jesus in total submission to His will. I know that when I can’t, He definitely can. 

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand."

-Psalm 40:2

No Place Like Home

We all have different perceptions of what a "happy home" should look like, smell like or feel like. Some may have wanted a two-parent household. Some might have this televised version of a stay-at-home parent baking goodies, packing lunches and carpooling them to school. But for many, the reality was quite different. Unfortunately, children don’t have a vote in the matter. They don’t get the luxury of opting-out of poverty, single parent homes and dysfunctional relationships, so they learn to survive.

Then those same broken kids become broken adults, who spend their entire lives trying to recreate that imaginary space of a perfect household that doesn’t exist. So in turn, we buy our kids "things" to compensate for what we lack. We justify doing the wrong things for the right reasons. We want our kids to have a better life; but sometimes, we set them up for failure by creating a superficial system of entitlement that the real world doesn’t offer. Then we find ourselves "burned out" because our efforts never quite measured up to their warped expectations.

We enslave ourselves to overwhelming debt to fill voids because our hearts don’t fully comprehend that wholeness is not found in the tangible, not even the home.

We dress up our calamities with the mask of disguise to put on a front that our priorities are in tact for people that genuinely don’t like us.

We become so consumed with lack and burdens that we never reach anything familiar to satisfaction.

Trust me, I’m not judging anyone’s struggle. I think I could’ve written the struggle manual (to be honest)! I don’t have it all together. In fact, my life is far from fool-proof. I fall flat on my face daily. It is only through God’s grace and mercy that I find the strength to stand in spite of what it looks like or feels like. I find peace in knowing that this is not my ultimate destination.

Even in all my tumultuous emotions, God reassures me....

It doesn’t matter what side of the track you grew up on.

It doesn’t matter that your foundation was faulty or cracked.

It doesn’t matter what you lacked. 

It’s all about what’s made "available" to you on today. Even when man, parents or friends fall short, God stood in the gap and made the provisions.

Your "rightful place" is not found in the things or the people of this world. This is not our permanent home. We are not destined to stay here forever.

In all that, I say, "Be encouraged," in spite of what’s going on in your temporary home. Don’t let a difficult moment disrupt your momentum. You were graced to go the distance.

We all strive to hear, well done my good and faithful servant when we reach our real home--our permanent place of rest.

Try, First

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." --Galatians 6:9

So yesterday, I perused the mall at Myrtle Beach, not to shop but more-so for physical activity since I haven’t been too conscious of my calorie intake. Once I came to the center point, I caught sight of kids secured in some type of harness bounce off trampolines and fly way up into mid air. My anxiety skyrocketed every time I saw a kid shoot up into thin air. I would never have the courage to be so daring! What if the harness malfunctioned? Then the "what-if-list" turned into endless possibilities of what could go wrong.

I hurried off a few minutes after my nerves had endured more than I cared to witness. As I walked away, the picture remained etched in memory bank. I chuckled, "Kids are such dare devils!" We, as adults, could learn a thing or two by tapping into our inner youth. What if we weren’t afraid to fail?

I immediately thought about every opportunity presented that I declined because I was scared to step outside the box of "fear!" I also started to entertain past memories of my prior bench warming career because I refused to get in the race. The sidelines had become my comfort zone. My safety net was totally behind the scenes and I had no desire to be promoted to the ranks of front line duty. I could serve effectively from the far back corner.

Oddly enough, my heart knows there is no failure in Him but trying to convince my head to take the first step becomes the real challenge.

What if we started to live out our witness by "showing up" to do the impossible? What if every time we took that first step that we boldly declared, "Not by my will but His..."

In other words, let God see you "try" before you so conveniently "quit?"

Take Only What You Need

As I was getting ready for a few days at the beach with family, the thought of packing gave me an immediate headache. Preparing to spend time away from home usually means taking everything short of the kitchen sink. My mind went into overdrive as I thought about all the electronics I "needed" to function on a daily basis and the anxiety grew stronger as I thought more about forgetting the accompanying cords.

After checking the weather forecast for South Carolina, I pulled out endless clothing possibilities that left my bedroom looking like a tornado touched down. Truth be told, I wasn’t here for all the "glitz and glam" on this trip. I was in a lighter mood, so I wanted my wardrobe to reflect what I felt on the inside--freedom. I grabbed some tanks, leggings and a few dusters-Bam! I was done minus the toiletries, shoes and cosmetics. I could’ve downsized some more but I was proud of myself. I had accomplished something meaningful! For the first time in years, I wasn’t carrying a load, specifically someone else’s.

I left behind all the "nonessential" nonsense that claimed my attention on occasion.

I left behind the overwhelming to-do-list.

I left behind the inescapable family drama that’s always on "repeat" in the background.

I took a little more than I needed but I left the "junk" behind. I didn’t think about what I had to face when I return back home. Actually, I didn’t think about much of anything! I was free!

Still.

In my "happy place."

Ready to recharge in God’s presence.

I woke up to a rainy day with an oceanfront view and no outlined agenda. There’s no itinerary, nagging responsibilities or scheduled commitments. This feels like paradise. The "calm" after the storm.

When we endure challenges, it feels like relief is far fetched. Our prayers can feel like vain attempts to get God’s attention, knowing that there are other severe cases ahead of ours.

After awhile, being in the valley seems like home, but then God shifts the atmosphere and releases your abundance.

Peace shows up.

Love returns.

Freedom overpowers.

Take only what you need to THRIVE, leave the rest behind.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." --Matthew 11:28

Wounded Warrior

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed." --Isaiah 53:5

When I recently got drafted to facilitate a lesson on "The Process" at a Woman’s Bible Study group, I was a little disgruntled. Give me a topic that I’ve already mastered and let me hit the ground running. Give me the reins to lead a group discussion from a place of victory but don’t put me in a vulnerable position to expose my weakness. I felt destined to fail but God had other plans little did I know.

As I’ve stated many of times, my struggle has always been "middle ground!" I’m either dragging my feet in the valley or doing handstands on the mountaintop. However, lately I’ve been sprinting around the same mountain--complacent, unsatisfied and annoyed.

I sat distressed, mourning and crying out to God like Paul with a "secret thorn" in my flesh.

During the group discussion, I unveiled the wound, undressed the pain and uncovered my truth by allowing the Holy Spirit complete dominion over my insecurities. Once I started talking, I felt like a "well of freedom" replenished everything that I released.

It was done.

The yoke was destroyed.

The bondage shifted to freedom.

When I initially walked in the room, my heart, in one hand but my sword in the other. I was not coming for sympathy or pats on the head. Despite my struggles, I refused to be pitiful! I knew how to stand flat footed, shoulders squared back and look the enemy directly in his face without flinching. I’m only stood 5 feet 2 inches in physical stature but I was trained for combat. Growing up as an only child, I learned how to defend myself many years ago and I wasn’t scared to fight either. The only problem was that nobody loved me enough to point out that I was fighting with the wrong weapons.

I knew all about the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the belt of truth, the sword of the spirit, and the shoes of the gospel. However I was taught at an early age that if somebody hit you, that you hit them back. So here I was now--an adult trying to fight "flesh with flesh!" And yet, wondered why I was still losing?

That "thing" that you are secretly at war with is not the root of your pain. It’s time to take your hands off of it because over analyzing causes you to climb walls that just don’t exist. Let go of the invisible rivalry that takes up permanent residence in your space that screams, "this can’t be conquered." It’s covered by the blood! Self-condemnation is a trick of the enemy to keep you distracted from the greatness that already lies within. 

 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." --Ephesians 6:12

He already paid the price.

The battle has already been won.

All you have to do is--walk in it (FREEDOM).

New Life

On Saturday morning, I hopped out of bed with the residue of defeat lingering like a thick cloud over my head from the previous’ days troubles. I didn’t feel like being social because I still felt slightly irritated. I thought about Pastor Richard’s nugget that he shared during a recent sermon on being "physically present" for divine appointments.

To be honest, I was still trying to work through my social awkwardness. I simply gravitated towards people that seemed to enjoy my company. Those that didn’t care to share my space was perfectly suitable for my taste. It meant less stretching out of my comfort zone. I could live with that.

So, here I was physically present to serve as a volunteer at this Street Church event but emotionally preoccupied. The biggest problem with introverts is that we spend a lot of time in isolation, working on "inward" feelings. There’s rarely room on our plate for much else because we’re so overwhelmed by working through our own stuff. Some would argue that’s terribly selfish but it’s complicated in my world. There’s a deeper root to my actions that’s almost unexplainable on a superficial level. In other words, you can’t make accurate assumptions based on what you see with the naked eye because you don’t have enough information to access the perils of the unseen.

Rather than beat myself up over being emotionally unavailable to effectively serve, I tried to remain physically present for God’s download. Even if I wasn’t serving, there had to be a reason God summoned me to this exact location at this exact moment.

Of all the things I observed and heard, the thing that rang loudest was a woman’s testament of faith during some pretty difficult moments. Followed by another woman sharing an intense personal account of the meaning of baptism. I could feel the raw unedited version of her pain and her joy simultaneously. There was healing in her words.

Ok Jesus, I was in full attendance now. He had my undivided attention. As we took communion, I was Godly sorry for my unintentional and intentional transgressions committed against Him. I was still holding on to this "power struggle" with Him because absolute submission meant having no earthly control of the ending. I wanted what I wanted--a perfect ending to a tormentuous beginning.

I watched strangers become family through their public declaration of faith. Each time a candidate went down...

I could see their chains being loosed in the air.

I could smell the death of their past drowning.

I could see their newfound freedom rising.

My busy little Sociologist mind, intentionally looked at each participant’s face when they came up from baptism. It was something quite different about them. There wasn’t a textbook answer to explain the peace I witnessed firsthand in their eyes. I didn’t need to know their story to know that God’s resurrection power had reached down and snatched their souls into new life.

At the end, I glanced at the dirty pool full of grass and other debris. I could just imagine the hurts, pains and disappointments washed away. I saw members embrace leaders with maternal hugs of unconditional love. They were proud of their accomplishment and I was honored to witness it. God knew I needed to be there. This wasn’t just a regular community initiative to gain some followers. This was a life changing transformation with God’s hand at work. This was an encounter that served as a reminder that real ministry exceeds the four walls of the church. This was love in action!

I caught a quick glimpse of a woman walking around with a stack of manila envelopes for each candidate and my heart smiled.

The participants (no my family members) earned their papers.

They made it to their freedom.

Jesus paid the price.

New life was here. 

Forgiveness was available.

Condemnation was no more.

The blood still works. 

It covers. It releases. It heals.

Destiny Awaits

On Friday, I tried to blog at least four or five times but the enemy kept sending petty interruptions my way. Well, maybe it wasn’t the enemy at all. Now, that I’m over all the endless shenanigans, I’m sure it was God’s protection. He wouldn’t allow me to fall flat on my face and completely stumble on my post. However, the more proactive I tried to be in conflict resolution, the more my flesh wanted to react.

In this season, "time management" is at the top of my priority chain and little roadblocks have attempted to rob my serenity and tried my patience a time or two. As a result, I planned to write a sassy little piece about "burning bridges" because I was super annoyed. Every time I set out to pen my thoughts, a distraction claimed my immediate attention.

By the end of the day, I was livid. I encountered one epic failure after another. When I finally arrived to my hair appointment, I told the hairdresser to cut it all off. There was a storm brewing on the inside and I was one stop short of a raging time bomb. It felt like I was waking up to serve other’s daily needs and I was paying the ultimate price--my peace!

I couldn’t piece together a regular routine with established boundaries. The agenda kept changing daily without my input but at my expense! I was still living on other’s terms, at everyone’s beck and call--the on demand help! I wasn’t happy about too much of anything that was happening around me nor within me. I was giving, giving and giving, yet I remained thirsty. Consequently, I kept coming up short on my end. Here I was --slowly unraveling again but who knew? I dare not inconvenience anyone with the simplicity of my frustrations.

Everyone has their own share of struggles, so I wasn’t expecting any kind of subtle act of intervention. In fact, I had abandoned all my peer based support groups to make myself available to others and I was growing increasingly bitter and resentful by the day. Every time my phone rang, someone had a last minute request and I was screaming on the inside, while trying to make it look effortless on the outside. My talk therapy was non-existent and failed by the wayside. My prayers sounded like a broken record of petitions that fell on deaf ears. (Don’t crucify me, I knew better but that’s how I felt).

I thrive in "order" but fail tremendously in chaos....

It was taking way too long to read a friend’s manuscript that I could’ve read in a few days with a disciplined mindset.

Working on my own writing proved to be a unique challenge without scheduled quiet time.

Keeping healthy goals a priority was a failed attempt subconsciously paused.

Planning balanced meals presented scheduling conflicts due to eating on the go.

Maintaining a positive posture with a smile on my face seemed nearly impossible.

During my haircut, I started to inspect the split, damaged ends falling to the floor. I started thinking about what those natural tresses had endured over Fall and Winter. Physically, I literally felt the relief from the dead weight being lifted. I didn’t feel anything emotionally though. I was numb for a change--a dangerous place to be!

Self-preservation light bulbs goes off...To protect my future sanity, I will intentionally start cutting people’s access to me. My phone will be turned off during my down time. It’s four months into the year and my personal goals are pilling up, my gym time is sporadic and I’m always my last choice! I’ve gone with the flow for so long, the requests micmic never ending demands. What bothers me the most? The lack of consideration shown for the time I serve unselfishly is never sufficient.

Life Lesson: Don’t stay longer than needed to effectively learn the lesson and move on. Don’t stay bound on a hopeless merry-go-round of people pleasing with intentions of gaining acceptance and validating your self-worth. Your value isn’t performance based. There’s nothing you can do to gain favor with folks. They will move the finish line every time you commit. Stay in sync with God’s will and let him order your steps. Your destiny is waiting for your obedient response! What will you choose?

"Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are." --Theodore Roosevelt