I wish I could tell you that - I am a Christian disciple that has it all together; however, I don't. To try to paint this elaborate picture of a "perfect journey" serves no real purpose, because it is not my truth.
I miss the mark.
I mess up.
I fall short.
I have weak moments.
I don't always manage my emotions well. Sometimes I fall victim to the lies of the enemy by magnifying insecurities. Sometimes I still seek outside approval for validation.
I fall down,
I fail daily,
BUT I GET BACK UP!
On Friday morning, I allowed a situation to get under my skin and take me back to a past, familiar place of rage! Actually, in all honesty, it threw "my energy" off balance for the entire weekend. I was treated harsh and unfair by someone in a public place. Every ounce of flesh wanted to rise up in me but I said nothing! I was afraid to open my mouth, because I was terrified of my reaction. Although I'm learning to be more proactive rather than reactive, I wasn't fully prepared for the test. Truth be told, I wasn't looking for a battle on today! I didn't want to "fight" to be heard, seen or respected. I was tired of fighting! Warfare had been a way of life for far too long. I came to this place of business ,looking to be treated fairly with dignity and compassion but I received the exact opposite. With all the studying, meditating and reading I'd been doing, I don't know why this attack caught me off guard but it did.
It felt like someone had literally shook my 2018 foundation to the core. I've been intentionally preparing to give my best, do my best and be the best me (within my God given capabilities.) I know the devil was furious because my day proceeded in the same direction. Other things, out of the ordinary happened. The devil wasn't letting up! Funny thing is, we wouldn't allow another human to put us through this much distress but we pull back from the devil. Honestly, he was kicking my butt and I was allowing it to happen. Once again, I was distracted by his shenanigans. I took my eyes off of God and fell prey to his nonsense. I had the power within to defeat him, but I entertained his foolishness.
Sunday, I was late to worship service. I didn't even realize, I was subconsciously stewing over the same Friday mishap. I walked in the Sanctuary with a heavy sense of "numbness." I decided that people were not going to move me anymore. I was worn out! I was tired of trying to find a rightful place, a comfortable fit, and I no longer cared to bring the bubbly personality along for the ride.
I would retreat back into the background, with my hardened outer shell, because I didn't want to be rejected by anyone else. I would resort back into survival. Thriving required too much work!
On this morning, I skipped my normal routine and collapsed right back into that funky mood. Actually, I tried to defend the offense against me. Somehow, I tried to rationalize the mistreatment, as if I deserved to suffer. I beat myself up over it repeatedly. I wasn't coping, I was running!
BUT GOD.....is so very faithful! As I was laying around moping, I received a phone call for a lunch invitation. We had some church, right there, in the restaurant. Self-reflection nuggets were falling from the sky into my lap. My mood drastically shifted! We didn't spend this time negatively reflecting over the situation. We addressed the "why" so that I will be well prepared in the future.
In fact, it was my decision to not return to the establishment, where the incident occurred, but God laid something totally different on my heart. I am no longer defeated by the enemy, so there's no reason to quit. I don't have to FIGHT this battle because it's already won! I can walk confidently, through those same double doors with His authority, resting firmly on me.
Tonight in Bible Study, the spirit of conviction hit hard, because I realized I was guilty as charged. I fell for the "identity trap." I no longer needed to be apart of this invisible rivalry with the devil. My place was already solidified in God. I already had the victory. I just needed to learn to walk in it.
I leave you with something the facilitator said on tonight that made me silently scream within,
"What takes you from a place of receiving (from God) to a seat of deceiving (from the enemy)?"
Don't fall for the "identity trap," it's just a set up to take you back into the wilderness. The enemy desires you to withdraw from intercessors and retreat back to isolation, so that he can whisper false beliefs in your ear and to separate you from God's truth.
Don't repeatedly subject yourself to the same pain, same failure, and same heartache through disobedience. Stay girded and covered in HIM.
I miss the mark.
I mess up.
I fall short.
I have weak moments.
I don't always manage my emotions well. Sometimes I fall victim to the lies of the enemy by magnifying insecurities. Sometimes I still seek outside approval for validation.
I fall down,
I fail daily,
BUT I GET BACK UP!
On Friday morning, I allowed a situation to get under my skin and take me back to a past, familiar place of rage! Actually, in all honesty, it threw "my energy" off balance for the entire weekend. I was treated harsh and unfair by someone in a public place. Every ounce of flesh wanted to rise up in me but I said nothing! I was afraid to open my mouth, because I was terrified of my reaction. Although I'm learning to be more proactive rather than reactive, I wasn't fully prepared for the test. Truth be told, I wasn't looking for a battle on today! I didn't want to "fight" to be heard, seen or respected. I was tired of fighting! Warfare had been a way of life for far too long. I came to this place of business ,looking to be treated fairly with dignity and compassion but I received the exact opposite. With all the studying, meditating and reading I'd been doing, I don't know why this attack caught me off guard but it did.
It felt like someone had literally shook my 2018 foundation to the core. I've been intentionally preparing to give my best, do my best and be the best me (within my God given capabilities.) I know the devil was furious because my day proceeded in the same direction. Other things, out of the ordinary happened. The devil wasn't letting up! Funny thing is, we wouldn't allow another human to put us through this much distress but we pull back from the devil. Honestly, he was kicking my butt and I was allowing it to happen. Once again, I was distracted by his shenanigans. I took my eyes off of God and fell prey to his nonsense. I had the power within to defeat him, but I entertained his foolishness.
Sunday, I was late to worship service. I didn't even realize, I was subconsciously stewing over the same Friday mishap. I walked in the Sanctuary with a heavy sense of "numbness." I decided that people were not going to move me anymore. I was worn out! I was tired of trying to find a rightful place, a comfortable fit, and I no longer cared to bring the bubbly personality along for the ride.
I would retreat back into the background, with my hardened outer shell, because I didn't want to be rejected by anyone else. I would resort back into survival. Thriving required too much work!
On this morning, I skipped my normal routine and collapsed right back into that funky mood. Actually, I tried to defend the offense against me. Somehow, I tried to rationalize the mistreatment, as if I deserved to suffer. I beat myself up over it repeatedly. I wasn't coping, I was running!
BUT GOD.....is so very faithful! As I was laying around moping, I received a phone call for a lunch invitation. We had some church, right there, in the restaurant. Self-reflection nuggets were falling from the sky into my lap. My mood drastically shifted! We didn't spend this time negatively reflecting over the situation. We addressed the "why" so that I will be well prepared in the future.
In fact, it was my decision to not return to the establishment, where the incident occurred, but God laid something totally different on my heart. I am no longer defeated by the enemy, so there's no reason to quit. I don't have to FIGHT this battle because it's already won! I can walk confidently, through those same double doors with His authority, resting firmly on me.
Tonight in Bible Study, the spirit of conviction hit hard, because I realized I was guilty as charged. I fell for the "identity trap." I no longer needed to be apart of this invisible rivalry with the devil. My place was already solidified in God. I already had the victory. I just needed to learn to walk in it.
I leave you with something the facilitator said on tonight that made me silently scream within,
"What takes you from a place of receiving (from God) to a seat of deceiving (from the enemy)?"
Don't fall for the "identity trap," it's just a set up to take you back into the wilderness. The enemy desires you to withdraw from intercessors and retreat back to isolation, so that he can whisper false beliefs in your ear and to separate you from God's truth.
Don't repeatedly subject yourself to the same pain, same failure, and same heartache through disobedience. Stay girded and covered in HIM.
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