Sink or Swim

"You don't drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there." -Robert Jordan

As I quietly sat still in an office on yesterday, my mind drifted out the nearby, double-paned window onto the pillow of peaceful clouds. I have always been a "dreamer" like Joseph! You could frequently find me on the side of the road collecting discarded scrapes of wood to build a ship like Noah. However, I wasn't able to convince others that the ship was needed, so my dreams faded into the background of forgetfulness.

For the past year and a half, I have been hustlin' like a mad woman to spark a fire to reignite those dreams. But who knew that my immediate family would suffer six deaths in eight months? Somewhere my resiliency plummeted like the overall morale in the surrounding city. I know my response as a "believer" should not resemble the world, but the humanity of my heart was still immersed in complete shock!

On this morning, I woke up with so much tension built up in my chest that it felt like a volcano was about to erupt throughout my blood vessels. A combination of unhealthy habits was the culprit behind this unsolicited attention. Discipline seemed to be hiding far behind the bushes of my continued disobedience. I searched my heart for a trail of answers. Where was the disconnect? Obviously, there was a lack of accountability lingering. However, I refused to look in the mirror! I was blinded by sorrow.

In the dark shadows of my concealed curtains of grief, God shed some light. I kept self-sabotaging my Job season by tripping on life's inevitable circumstances. Every time the enemy threw me a curve ball, God handed me an attached blessing. I unintentionally--fumbled!

When the winds howled aggressively, I nervously slipped into the swamp waters. I continued to navigate through the same gritty, muddy waters with my outgrown "survival" vest on. Even though I could swim, I insisted on sinking. 

"Swimming" took endurance, courage, and action. 

Today, I just wanted to sink in the muddy waters of defeat, but then I remembered who would "watch" me drown. Even when I don't have the heart to swim for me, I refuse to let him witness me sink.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

As the two of us walked around the City Lake on today, God's promises were revealed when I caught a glimpse of my grandson soaking up the Son. He loved me through the "bad days!" When we stopped for this picture, "swimming" had become easier.