The Lies We Tell

I spent a few days sulking. My seasons are cycling rapidly. Every time I fasten myself into a comfortable position, "change" grabs me by the seat of my pants and thrusts me into an unknown trajectory. 

My emotions can’t keep up. The harness that houses the contents of my being disrupts my sails in exchange for anxiety. "Fear" is at the forefront and the internal tug of war grapples with my rationale.

As God’s word resonates with my confused reasoning, I realize I am not my own. For two days, I have been still and quiet. 

I fought hard to tally up past mistakes to reminisce on failures, but I was reminded by a onlooker that my shipwrecked heart was drifting far away from the anchor (God).

Spoken words didn’t offer much comfort though. My heart was not within reach of consolation, sympathy, or words of encouragement.

I continued to grieve for the losses that convinced my head--this was simply not my blooming season!

The enemy’s balm soothed the wound, but it was an eviction notice (in disguise) to God’s plan.

Then I heard, Sarah Jakes Robert say, "The enemy can’t keep what he stole!"

I immediately shook the dust off.

This propensity towards failure, sadness and rejection was an illusion that I bought into.

It was a lie that I convinced myself of each time the harsh winds blew.

However, this was not my crown of ordination. I was not a product of this illusive dream. I was an heir to the throne. Yes, this was my reality! 

God’s truth revealed my purpose was not bound by links of depression, anxiety or fear.

Don’t allow the lies to back you in a defeated stance of darkness, living contrary to His promises.

Stand.

In faith.

For His glory.

Live your best life.

Dance with the Devil

"But you, Lord do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me." --Psalm 22:19

If I can be completely transparent, "life" has been serving me up something serious. The enemy has thrown a few sucker punches my way--not because I've been out here in these streets sowing "bad seeds." In fact, it's been more of the opposite. The more ground I've covered, the more weeds have sprouted in the cracks of my intimate space--my heart.

Over the last year, I  have unselfishly poured my limited resources, endless time and whole heart into projects that have yielded no return. The more I gave, the more was required. My sacrificial labor never produced any kind of long-term satisfaction, because it came with a price. A price that I initially refused to pay but eventually compromised for comfort.

The enemy fired plenty of subliminal warnings that went ignored. Somehow, I felt threatened by the bounty on my head but more afraid of my "clapback."  I could definitely take it there in the natural but I recognized the obvious signs of  spiritual warfare. The enemy was pissed, because I was just too close! My break through was finally within reach, just around the bend of obedience.

 My hands provided comfort to nearby hearts that solicited unwarranted attacks. The dormant, unconventional gift came to life by evidence of  my unwavering loyalty, resiliency and compassion. It stirred up emotional turmoil in foreign bodies that waged war. Every drink offering came accompanied by hypocritical compliments and laced in never ending criticism.

But I continued to entertain the shenanigans, despite the inclinations of overwhelming discernment. I danced for the devil and he paid me back real good. He slammed the door in my face. He disregarded my contributions. He dismissed my feelings. He destroyed every "well of love"  filled from a genuine place of tireless labor. He dug up my fruit. He disrupted my peace.

Sin is a barrier that blocks God's best. You will never reap a harvest operating in disobedience. I was guilty as charged. I strayed way out of my original jurisdiction ( his will). Never allow the GPS of your emotions to become a driving force on your journey; activate your faith in the valley of doubt. Navigate through the pit of disappointment, rejection, and hurt with God's word. Draw from the well of his strength, his power, and his understanding.

Let your heart abide in His truth.