My Calling Doesn’t Come With A Collar

For years, I profusely labored on the back of an “invisible dump truck” swatting annoying flies. It didn’t make much sense in the natural cause society doesn’t find much significance in ladies that freely choose physical labor. It wasn’t a coveted position. No one stood in line for this landfill type of responsibility. Actually, people took pleasure in tossing contaminants in my direction regularly. It was my job to clean up the mess! It was an automatic chore that assumed the responsibility of my hands. I was the help! 

There wasn’t any glory attached, because there wasn’t a huge demand for “grunt work” found buried beneath discarded debris. It was all mine to claim and onlookers treated me accordingly. They sized me up with extra precaution based on my surroundings. They ignored my heart cause my hands were filled with oversized garbage bags. Consequently, my hands were always full.

I was a self-proclaimed expert at making something out of nothing! In fact, I assumed I was a professional servant, but my view was distorted by my own lack of understanding. I didn’t quite know how to effectively serve. My service was rooted in unhealthy generational habits of self sacrifice. I was a self made martyr raised from the dust of the Quarter Road ashes hidden in the rural sticks of Nash County. There was no evidence of our existence except a small dot on a local map that housed a box where we received mail. Nothing significant grew from our dirt road except for broken dreams of leaving this place a distant memory interrupted by the present reality.

I laugh in the face of adversity though. That dirt road prepared me for warfare. Every time the enemy attempts to trash my dreams, I gain favor from God.

I pick up the pieces of his promises. 

I pick up the pieces of his healing. 

I pick up the pieces of his anointing.

My strength is renewed with every disregarded measure of unbelief left behind by others because it forces me to his word.

My job is not attached to a formal title, a desk, or associated with a superior rank. I am not the general, commander in chief or the lieutenant.

However, I refused to bury myself under the piles of rubbish of man’s opinion. I survived constant criticism by hoarding. I stock piled every ounce of knowledge, wisdom and truth to rehearse on my daily duties. I made a bridge from the broken pieces of liter. Even in doubt, I held on to that mustard seed faith.

Today, I intentionally choose freedom.

My assignment is not attached to a clergy collar, a glass podium or massive public platform. 

My “true calling” is to sprinkle seeds of Jesus everywhere my feet land.

My “service connect” abides in obedience and surrenders in servanthood.

My pen, 

my life, 

and my words is a testament of his daily grace, favor and mercy.

Honored that he chose me to pick up the disregarded pieces tossed aside.

It is an honor to serve,
 even in the trenches.

Tailor Made

I don’t like to make tough “life decisions,” while lying on my back starring at a bleak ceiling of indecision. 

I don’t like to be backed in a corner of chaos where limited choices force me into fight or flight action.

I don’t particularly like when the enemy fires shots at my safety nest and forces me into uncharted territory.

All of these things...just happened—at once. 

The springs collapsed and the bottom dropped out of my foundation, while I was napping. My rear end collided abruptly with an unfavorable “wake up” call.

It just got real. I unknowingly inherited a man made dysfunction.

My “proactive” attitude couldn’t withstand the wiles of the wilderness. The enemy was determined to sabotage my place of rest.

Typically,  my emotions navigate the storms when I find myself shipwrecked. 

Everything in me wanted to fall apart. My weary soul wanted to crawl in a defiled bed of desperation, draw the blinds and mentally check-out of the surrounding reality.

Every time, I attempted to react with the flesh, God closed my mouth and sealed my lips.

This “fight” was already fixed.

It didn’t require me to step out of character.

It didn’t require me to utilize my strength.

It didn’t require me to fold under pressure.

The only requirement—that I stand still and surrender (in obedience).

Once I stopped trying to gather my own resources and figure EVERYTHING out for EVERYONE, God bought my emotions under subjection. I took myself off of the cross and let God be the true savior.

He begin to truly reign...”tailor made” blessings fell from the sky. 

Rivers of untapped living water begin to freely flow. 

Restoration bloomed from the buds of His unmerited favor.

Recompense lifted the stones of lack.

You don’t have to “react” to the inevitable natural disasters.

You know the story of Matthew 8:23-27

The winds may blow.

The rivers may rage.

But God ALWAYS calms the storm.

Let your “resiliency” be a testament of God’s faithfulness.

#Double4YourTrouble

Self-Sabotage

Yesterday, I watched with great pride as one of my spiritual sisters removed the training wheels and rode boldly into uncharted territory. I witnessed her courage as she suited up in God’s armor and dived right into the water as she lead and taught our Bible Study class. I whispered a quiet prayer and observed her obvious nervousness become irrelevant. She took the reigns in His power and stood firmly in complete submission to the Holy Spirit. I was thrilled for her but sad for me. I wasn’t coveting her assignment but I grew more concerned about mine.

Had fear caused my hands to fumble God’s ordained gift?

Had I forfeited God’s mission to pursue my own?

Had disobedience caused me to linger in stagnant water and self-contaminate?

Somehow, I managed to bury my feet in the sand along the sideline to secure lifeguard duty. My “tribe” repeatedly yelled for me to join them in the water; however, the sand was my safe haven. It supported the weight of my most intimate vulnerabilities. I was the seashore queen. In fact, I ordained myself as the self-proclaimed emergency personnel. I became the “call me if you need me” person safeguarding the weapons. 

In public, I was the hidden warrior that grew increasingly over protective of my peers but privately battled my own fears. Oftentimes, I waged the war of “self-sabotage” to secure my affliction and dodge accountability. 

I chased dreams that didn’t belong to me.

I pursued temporary placeholders to cope.

I drowned myself in busyness to avoid being productive.

I flenched at the pond of surrendering.

I hid from the voice of God.

I struggled most with being exposed.

Every time God sent help, strangers showed up with receptive hearts and gifts in hand. They took three steps forward and I took four steps back.

My defensive boundaries became an obstruction to receive. This infrastructure had become an invisible barrier to safeguard my heart. It was intended to keep the enemy out but it inadvertently became the portal that blocked God’s abundance.

Don’t allow “pride” to rob you of His promises.
Shake off self-destruction and secure your spot within his kingdom.

Do You Want To Get Up?

Although writing is therapeutic for me, I find myself "disconnected" from my laptop for months at a time. Life drifts away from the palms of my hands,  because my attention is frequently diverted to the tedious tasks that accompanies paying bills, staying hidden underneath my security blanket, and surviving.

Yesterday, was a "bad" day for me. I tried to bubble wrap my emotional scars in a temporary, bandaged routine that became counterproductive. The recent attacks caught me off guard. The enemy found me drifting on autopilot and it bruised my ego. I took "hits" for others in silence. I didn't flinch. I didn't respond. I just endured. I put on a strong front but on the inside I was unraveling.

Every move forward felt like I was stepping on landmines. I became stuck in the same fight because I kept picking up the wrong weapons. Then acted surprised by the "flesh wounds" left behind.

Are you waddling in the "pity pond" of unbelief?
Are you digging up your seeds of faith in doubt?
Do you feel exposed and uncovered by the enemies same tactics?

Don't let the enemy back you in a corner and covet your power. You are more than a conqueror through Christ.

Do you want to get up in power or stay bedridden by man's opinion and/or rejection?

In Bible Study last night, Pastor Spivey said, "Stop giving yourself away!"

Wow!

How long will you willfully ration out the most intimate pieces of  you in exchange for man's portion while forfeiting God's promise?

Let your spirit man rise up in Him.