Don’t Stop Dreaming

As the hinges hang half hazardously on the remains of this dilapidated dwelling, the Holy Spirit enters this place to offer rest.

Rest from yesterday’s troubles.

Rest from present day trials. 

Rest for tomorrow’s journey.

Last night, I slept like a baby. There was a sweet peace that fell over my mind, my heart and my soul. Finally, it was truly well within my soul—a complete night’s rest of total submission.

Somewhere sandwiched between exhaustion and perseverance, lay this physically present body eager to close my eyes in God’s presence but estatic to wake the deferred dreams.

As I drifted asleep, my mind traveled pass complacency and straight to the mountain top of undeniable joy. I could smell the dreams manifested. I could hear bells from heaven, my dad cheering me on. I could see the tears of passion reigning over every hurt, mistake and detour.

This wasn’t an illusion of victory. This was a lifetime of blood, sweat and tears in the making. This was growing pains of survival turned triumphantly into destiny come true.

Don’t let present day circumstances nurse your visions to sleep. Sometimes we encounter unfavorable experiences on the journey.

We may get thrown in the pit for being a dreamer.

Become falsely accused.

Imprisoned.

Persecuted.

But remember there’s a Joseph screaming on the inside, “this is not how the story ends!”

Your favor,

freedom,

and future is on the way.

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.....”—Genesis 50:20

The Weight of Rejection

For the past couple of weeks, seems like I’ve been on the receiving end of some brutal spiritual warfare. My flesh-subjected to excruciating migraines and ongoing inflammation that literally had me reaching for a Goody powder multiple times throughout the day just to function at mediocre. 

I knew I was “stressed,” but I refused to utter that truth out of my mouth. I wasn’t about to claim it and more determined not to fold under the pressure. I wasn’t a stranger to discomfort, so I knew this attack would soon pass. God had brought me out of worst and I trusted Him to do the same. I flinched but I didn’t fall.

I kept praying on the matter. God kept showing me the “culprit,” but I did everything in my power to resist the truth. I could see the problem plain as day but I kept going, trying to ignore what I knew to be true. 

Sometimes we consider “disappointments” as personal failures that crush our ego, bruise our hands and leave a slight stain on our heart that resemble an old unhealed, wound.

However, whenever we fail to take heed to God’s warnings, there’s always more trouble waiting up the road ahead.

Anyway, I was dead set against going to the doctor, cause I already knew what needed to happen. (We always know!) As I drove down the road one day, numbness and tingling started to travel down both arms. Fear screamed, make the doctor’s appointment already! I made the appointment (which later got canceled due to a scheduling conflict) but my healer was already sending revelation but I insisted on dragging the “rejection weight” along for the journey.

It was heavy.

It was an eyesore.

It was a burden.

It was unnecessary.

I started dragging myself from my friend’s couches for a safe landing cause as I stated on yesterday, I was fighting air. I was swinging, giving my best shots, aiming high but losing the battle because it wasn’t mine to fight. Everything within my “own” power was useless, limited and pointless. Basically, I was traveling outside of my jurisdiction. This won’t your average fist fight. I was a big girl that has never backed down, when it comes to standing up for myself, but this was something totally different.

Then this happened....Woke up this morning feeling feverish, body aches, chills, sneezing (what appears to be a cold). Not a fan of being sick, so I strived to knock this right on out. I made a quick run before I headed back to bed and my “check engine” light pops on. Talk bout feeling “defeated!”

I attempted to waddle for a brief moment in self-pity but I knew better. I started trying to imagine every scenario of how “this thing” could be so much bigger than it was. I also thought about how God was still aiming to get my attention over the last couple of weeks.

Here he was again, signaling me with my check engine light, warning me to stop!

Sometimes, we just try too hard. We climb the tower of “unrealistic expectations,” trying to be the savior of matters that are bigger than our hands can rightfully hold.

We spot the attacker in his disguise.

We see the intentional attacks from afar.

We refuse to surrender cause we think it means failure. 

We discredit our discernment to justify staying in the fight (but it’s not out battle).

However, don’t be easily swayed by the disappointments you encounter. Rejection serves purpose too. Sometimes, God is nudging us in a different direction because He knows that our best efforts will never pan out. He knows when the load is too heavy and it just ain’t our assignment.

When there is no peace on the matter, his provision will not follow suit. Giving up ain’t always taking an “L.” Sometimes, it’s actually a win that says, I trust God for my best. The crumbs rationed from the table don’t sustain my position in him. I choose to wait patiently for His abundance.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.” -John 14:1

Stay the Course

I’ve always been an analytical thinker for as long as I can remember. Growing up, I was very inquisitive. I needed to know the “why” behind most everything I participated in. Although most times, I had to settle for the short answer, “because I said so,” or pick my teeth up off the floor. I chose to quietly settle in contempt to keep me teeth perfectly fixated.

Learning to accept that the adults in my life ran their households as dictatorships without question of authority didn’t suit me well but I learned to go with the flow to appease others. I wasn’t about to be subjected to spankings for allowing my inquisitiveness to get the best of me. Pretty much, the same thing, jobs refer to as insubordination, families refer to as disrespect, so I remained quiet, hidden and afraid.

Subsequently, my relationship with God has mirrored those same attributes. It’s all I rightfully knew. No wonder, I’d been seeking refuge in the valley, my foundation was planted on a rock of tradition that no longer satisfied my taste buds. I had a bitter taste of unanswered questions that thirst for fulfillment via truth.

This which brings me to the “island of incompletion,” trying to work out the kinks and walk faithfully into purpose with as little worldly influence as possible but still to no avail. In my heart, writing has been my most therapeutic moments with God but there was no way I could continue to write about “freedom” on a public platform while continually stumbling myself (regardless of the limited audience). I retreated to a place of solace to recharge but instead I ended up with two non-functioning laptops, outdated software on an older model Nook tablet smack dab in the middle of changing Blogging platforms. The enemy must be “big mad” for real! I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I didn’t think it would be this hard either.

So where does the spiritual journey lead me?

Sometimes, mountain climbing back in the darkness of the wilderness.

Other times, fighting against air because the physical giants that I perceive as enemies are only Satan’s tools to wage a superficial war of distraction.

Oftentimes, sitting at the feet of Jesus, trying to make sense of all the environmental mayhem. (which isn’t in my job description).

Two Sundays ago, I listened to my Pastor give reasons why Divine appointments are so powerful. When he got to number one on the list, it’s like the Holy Spirit had discreetly slid him my “struggle card!” Maybe I heard him wrong, but then this appeared on the overhead projection screen....Teach us to be FULLY PRESENT at ALL times. My spirit man was calling for the immediate benediction. I needed to go home and let the Holy Spirit wash the stench off my flesh. I was completely filthy. There was a foul odor lingering and I was embarrassed. Was this scent traveling rampantly through the Sanctuary like spoiled unpleasantries? 

I’d been sleep on my post.

Texting behind the wheel of uncertainty.

And intoxicated by overwhelming busyness.

I wasn’t operating in my “calling” because my gifts always felt like hidden curses. My talents were like double-sided swords that always caused self-inflicted wounds. I was a born “giver” but receiving was a foreign entity that weighed me down. Receiving felt selfish! Freely “receiving” God’s love is still an ongoing part of the process to wholeness.

I was trained from the womb to “serve” others, a gifted expert of withholding personal needs to meet others. Somewhere along the journey, my dreams, goals and desires got lost in the translation of sacrifice and martyrdom.

How could I be fully present(at all times) to wholeheartedly serve God, if I was so bombarded with man made requests?

There will ALWAYS be needs that venture outside my capabilities. Everyone has a bucket for you to fill? If you give all your seeds away, what will you plant in your fields?

Don’t be like me, found guilty of beating air. Those no “win situations” that rob your peace, steal your joy and claim your undivided attention—let them go!

Get back to the basics. 

Stand your ground.

Cover your post.

Walk in your truth.

Strong Winds

I woke up to a strong rumbling noise around 3 am that sounded like a force of nature, trying to rip the top off the house.

It literally sounded as if the metal rooftop was about to peel back and expose the inner dwelling.

I immediately thought, “What would a life “without a covering” look like?”

Exposed.

Vulnerable to every attack.

Overcome by voids.

Susceptible to catastrophic events.

Subject to excruciating pain.

Hopeless.

Helpless.

Blind.

Wavering in faith.

Complete chaos!

However, don’t be moved by the “strong winds” in your life that show up as disappointment, hurt, loss, grief and heartaches.

The Bible clearly warns us that the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy.

Don’t allow the “windstorm” to shift your foundation.

Don’t fold under winds of opposition.

Don’t doubt God’s hand of protection.

Don’t be alarmed by the loud rumbling.

Don’t be moved by the overpowering wind.

STAND in faith by His perfect peace and supreme power. Suit up in His amour.

You have the resolve to “stand” against the winds of oppression. The winds of despair. The winds of fear.

You were made to seize the moment.

You are more than a conqueror.