This Little Light of Mine

"For only the light which we have kindled in ourselves can illuminate others." -Arthur Schopenhauer

In my unplanned absence, I've fantasized about these fingertips tapdancing on this keyboard to explore rhythms of my creative unknown (parts of me that others can't touch), with my shoulders draped in my favorite, cozy fleece throw, while enjoying a mug filled with my favorite Bigelow Salted Carmel Tea topped off with a splash of Almond Milk. Don't judge me! It's an acquired taste (to say the least). As I draw closer to another birthday, "simplicity" consumes my heart with overwhelming joy! I don't need a lavish "forty plus" vacation to tickle my fancy. Give me a "real day" off---without phone service, social media, or human contact. I could use an isolated day or two (off the grid) in solace to fully recharge. Even though I grew some social wings over the summer, I'm still a die hard i-n-t-r-o-v-e-r-t! God's work is still in progress!

For the most part, my time has been claimed by the rigorous demands of work, school, grandma duties, and helping with my aging parents. I'm not complaining about the "busyness of life" in itself; but most days, I'm caught off guard as the responsibilities tend to outweigh the hours in the day. So I've been forced to turn a "blind eye" to my laptop sitting by the front door, books in progress, my self-care routine, and social outings. Finding time to blog has been like looking for spare change in my car, non-existent.

I fell short! Even after becoming newly acquainted with the "Do Not Disturb" feature on my cell phone, I simply couldn't "compete" with the demands required for my time and attention. "They" still find me (hiding under my secret rock) through other avenues to attend to their emergency, crisis or paper cut.

Most days, I've gathered just enough energy to do what's required and not an ounce more. My outward lifestyle began reflecting the inner neglect. I was chasing deadlines, expectations and a check that wasn't getting me very far. I went from surviving to living in the grind---exhausted!

I found myself building a wall around my frame. My rationale said that I needed time and space to process emotions without the unsolicited opinions, biases and judgments. Arms length was way too close for the surrounding dysfunction that I faced on a daily basis. I witnessed things that I dare not discuss.

In a moment of desperation, I cried out to God for clarity.

I knew without a shadow of doubt that my hands were graced with a gift to tell a story---.my story, but my pilot light kept going out.

But why?

I assumed that I kept enough in my reserve tank  for difficult moments.

Obviously, not so.

My light began to flicker every time I said yes to something that God never intended me to be attached. It flickered every time I put one foot in front of the other to participate in something that drained my energy. It flickered with every toxic relationship. It flickered every time that I held my breath, so that others could breathe easily.

Your light is your power.
Your light is your source.
Your light is your strength.

"the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." --John 1:5

Going forth, I will be intentional to protect "This little light of mine" and I pray that God will give me the perseverance to let it shine.

Don't let the enemy dim your light, dull your shine and dampen your flame.
Your heartbeat indicates that your work is not done.

Follow the light for HE  knows the way.