Judgement Day

"But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken." Matthew 12:36

I encountered a few annoying things, on yesterday, that grabbed my attention and kind of soured my overall mood.

First, I witnessed someone extend an overwhelming amount of patience and consistency as they were hit with a "double whammy" simultaneously. Well, I'm sure it was nothing out of the ordinary for their daily ministerial routine because they were just flowing gracefully in their gift. My head hurt just imagining having to deal with something like that on a consistent basis. There was just no way that I could see myself being equipped for this call but their smooth execution silenced the firecrackers that exploded in my head as I offered invisible kudos to a job well done. Shadowing people in ministry gives you a different level of appreciation for the assignments that extends far beyond normal business hours. The need is definitely great!

After being in that environment, I felt drained of all compassion, empathy and patience. My morale dwindled as I thought about being exposed to challenging personalities. Funny, I've always considered myself to be a voice for the "underdog," but yet exercised such great criticism when it came to the intense challenges. I thought about "attitudes" that I'd encounter along the way that forced me to quit! In other words, I refused to share space with anyone that forced me to stretch beyond my critical perimeters. It annoyed me to see others give up on the difficult ones, but here I was guilty as charged and mentally checked out. My flesh didn't want to be inconvenienced. Seeing the need came with the accountability to serve and well ignoring it was the selfish, easier route.

Genuinely "showing up" for others is time consuming, messy and inconvenient. It's not the coveted, highlight of ministry that gains much recognition but a simple "I SEE YOU" can truly transform a person's trajectory.

As I sat reevaluating my day, I thought about all the "divine appointments" that I forfeited in disobedience. Then something I heard at noon Bible Study rang in my spirit, "Many glance but everyone doesn't grab."

Was I walking through life satisfied with glancing and judging?
Was I showing up in observation mood?
Did I encounter the needs, analyze the conditions but failed to direct the afflicted to the Healer?

We're quick to "judge" people's physical actions without knowing the inner conditions of their heart. But it costs nothing to be kind to people! Everyone that needs help won't show up as a panhandler with an obvious sign, begging for mercy. Some are the quiet, unnoticed ones that sit beside you every week that are dying on the inside.

How can we do ministry without being in position to serve?

Be spiritually proactive and meet people where they are on this journey.

Some will require you to dig in the trenches and get your hands dirty.

"And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me, but raise them up at the last day." John 6:39

What will God say about your "service" on Judgement Day?

What's Hindering Your Service?

Yesterday, I experienced a roller coaster of emotions that moved me to invisible tears--more specifically, some inner major highs and lows in the same setting. However, I just couldn't allow the tears to fall in God's presence with all that he's been doing in my life.

 Surely, any trace of "sadness" in this season would be a flat out sign of disrespect-a slap in the face in exchange for his blessings.

For a moment, I was elated about the sacrifices that I'd made over that last year that finally produced some tangible results. Then a temporary moment of "loneliness" overshadowed my win. I sat on the couch, physically dressed and ready to go somewhere--anywhere. But I couldn't think of one person to celebrate with and furthermore; what exactly was I celebrating?

 In short, the answer was life! I had a few "unapologetic wins" under my belt but that felt foreign. Honestly, I was "scared" to celebrate. What if this "spiritual high" was short lived? What if my celebratory mood enticed the enemy to wage some new level of spiritual warfare and snatch my happiness from under me?

I mean.... how many people do we encounter, surfing the mountaintop for no particular reason,
who are feeling "themselves"( just because), who can look past the "struggles in progress" with a grateful heart and humbly strut their stuff ? (Giving all bragging rights to God)

Instantly, I started to conjure up "graveyard memories" of self-doubt, pity and even regret! God didn't allow that to last long though. I wasn't about to let the enemy hijack my overall mood. I wouldn't dare let him take me further than I wanted to go. I had learned some lessons that weren't worth repeating. I wasn't an easy prey in this season because I recognized the old game for what it was---tired & weak!

After meeting a friend for a quick outing, I headed back home with the prior sense of heaviness. I subconsciously sabotaged our fellowship with a famine (lack) spirit. I went expecting to testify to all the miracles I'd witnessed firsthand and to fest on God's goodness but became distracted by my drug of choice--food. Succumbing to appease the flesh meant I ordered the biggest steak, gorged on carbs and ate till sleep oblivion fell fresh. My emotions were on double minded overload-- a battle of good and bad, a battle of positive and negative, a picture perfect scene of a devil resting on one shoulder and an angel on the opposite one.

Back to the couch and a brief stint of Netflix, sleep won an early night battle. The steak had me thoroughly sedated until the wee hours of the morning. I woke up from a deep, hot sweat. It felt like a nightmare. I couldn't believe this dream! A picture of me standing boldly with my hands on my hips yelling at God, like I had lost my mind. God was whipping my tail; but like a hot headed fool, I wouldn't back down. I didn't even know that I was harboring bitterness and resentfulness towards anyone.

And for crying out loud, why would I be angry at God? Surely, my struggles weren't his fault.

Somehow, despite all the "good," that was surrounding me, I was grateful but not satisfied.

I was "lowkey" angry because I didn't genuinely believe in his "gift"

I screamed, jumped and shouted bout "birthing my gift publically" but nursed my unbelief at home and privately disowned it. I just couldn't find time to "produce" because my plate was full. Not to mention, I had a list of shortcomings that outweighed any possibility of  future God given "talent."

I wasn't prepared.
I wasn't equipped.
I wasn't the best candidate to execute the assignment.
I wasn't well received.

Even though, I overcame some obstacles, trampled over some barriers; but now.....I was "in the way!"

We all know the Parable of the Talents" in Matthew 25:14-30. (Lesson Learned)

Don't be like the fearful man that was judged for his selfishness.

In fact, we should never make excuses to avoid doing what God calls us to do. Our resources aren't our own; so we should never squander, hoard, abuse ,ignore or neglect that which God trusts us with.

Remember God rewards faithfulness. Those who bear no fruit can't expect to reap the full benefits of His glory.

Self Reflection:

What is hindering your service to him?

What's hindering your wholeness?

What's hindering your limbs from bearing fruit?

Don't "you" be the cause of your own disobedience.

Get your hips out the way and SERVE FAITHFULLY already!

Help is On The Way

People are navigating through some pretty difficult storms that will leave a lump in your throat the size of a golf ball. In the past few weeks, I've read numerous heart felt local stories of tragedies, loss, and sickness on social media whereas family members have reached out for support, encouragement, financial donations and/or prayers.

My heart collided with their grief as I imagined myself being in their shoes. I literally felt the sense of urgency for everyone, as they sat patiently waiting for overwhelming needs to be met. My heart ached in further contempt--frustrated that my bank account didn't yield enough commas to make it happen for everyone with legitimate needs. Many times, I would have to log off and just pray that God would touch the right hearts and that "giving" would not be a financial burden to the ones that were able/willing to be a blessing.

I'm no stranger to crisis. (We've all been there a time or two.) I know what it feels like to gain just enough courage to crucify the flesh (pride) and ask for help. I also know what it feels like to ask and have those unanswered petitions go unheard by the masses. How soon do we forget that sometimes people just don't have it to give but God is not bankrupt. He has not fallen off the throne. We have not because, sometimes we just ask the wrong one!

I came bye to encourage your hearts on today. If there is an "unmet need" in your household, don't feel slighted by the ones that don't genuinely have to give. I can testify that God will make the necessary provisions with that same ole mustard seed faith that people have been talking about for Ages.

So what are you believing and trusting God for in this season?

Well, there have been several pressing issues that I tried to resolve behind closed doors for years to no avail. For a long time, I didn't understand that I used the wrong set of muscles to move the mountains. I kept justifying my actions by scripture too. "Faith without works" is dead; so I moved and moved, but the mountains didn't bulge.

However, let me say that God really did send some strangers to be more than kind to me on multiple occasions--back to back. Needless to say, I'm not bragging on them but I'm bragging on the God that touched their hearts and saw something in me that I couldn't even acknowledge in myself. Some didn't offer a monetary donation, but they bombarded heaven wholeheartedly every time I came into their presence. They prayed for me, when I couldn't even muster up the strength to pray for myself. They called me down from the mountain and showed me a better way. They showed me how to suit up in His armor and war for myself. They showed me how to stop waging war on self and fight against the real enemy. They showed me that with the correct posture, patience and preserverance that dreams do come true (if you have the faith to believe).

Once one door opened, the windows couldn't even contain the blessings that started to overflow. I started to walk through a miraculous season of miracles, signs and wonders. Trust me, I'm not bragging because I'm not in a perfect season, but I'm humbled and grateful that what I perceived as "rejection was actually redirection." He positioned my steps to be in the right place at the right time. He didn't come to my aid while I was still wondering aimlessly in the wilderness because truth be told--I would've missed the opportunity. I would've forfeited his promises cause I falsely assumed that I was a rightful heir of a lifetime of suffering in the pit.

I grieved and mourned in the valley, alone for years with torn, dingy, dirty clothes underneath my perfectly positioned veil. Whenever people tried to reach me, I denied them access. I was embarrassed that the self- inflicted wounds had become amputations of dry bones that no longer fit.

But God said call those things that be not as though they were....

"Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it. "This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live." So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet--a vast army." Ezekiel 37:9-10

And so it goes without saying, that "she" now lives on looking forward to all that is on the way.

Don't let the enemy convince you that the promises aren't still good cause the "Helper" is on the way.

Sold Out

"Loyalty isn't straddling the fence of uncertainty. It's the fundamental building blocks of integrity that speaks the loudest without the presence of words."

I don't know the exact origin of the phrase, "loyalty over everything," but I know it sounds the alarm for many, like me, with a proven record of trust issues. I like to think that I'm a fairly easygoing, gentle spirit but I've had my share of mishaps. My social awkwardness has a history of rubbing people the wrong way on occasion. I have a heart of gold but I'm not big on "small talk," so people insist that it's difficult to read my energy. I disagree wholeheartedly! People that take the time to get to know me understand that there's a bubbly extrovert lying beneath the surface just waiting to exhale.

But loyalty, well that's a non-negotiable prerequisite for being in my space. My heart can't tolerate any less. I understand that my energy isn't welcomed by everyone and I've hit several access denied portals in the form of invitations that got lost in the mail, ignored friend requests, or smiles that tuned upside down when I walked in the room.

I can be so misunderstood at times. Talk about the "pink elephant" that goes completely unnoticed.

What about you?

Do people have some false preconceived notion about your character?

Do people single you out cause your fruit doesn't resemble theirs?

Have people thrown you "under the bus" for being different?

This was the second night of revival and the message, "The Price Tag for Purpose" had me feeling some kind of way. Here we were continuing with Joseph's story in Genesis and how his brothers plotted to kill him out of jealousy. I guess it's safe to assume that there must have been something awfully extraordinary under that coat that ignited such hatred.

The Pastor walked us through some of the measures his brothers took to orchestrate his demise. Yes, his brothers! The enemy seems to use those closest to our hearts to execute our downfall.

Joseph's story opened up some past unhealed emotional wounds that brought back some difficult memories.

A time that my character was brutally assassinated on a jury trial because I was thrown into a civil lawsuit as an heir of some personal property that became a complete ambush of greed.

A time that I became a target of a family member's selfish scheme to defraud a judicial system into granting them a free pass to lie and get away with it. (at my expense).

A time when I gave my love freely, despite the cost and got penalized for giving in the end.

I thought about my story, my pain, my struggles and my battle scars but I no longer felt like a victim.

I lost a lot of good relationships; because somehow no matter how much I managed to mind my own business, I became a moving target. Every time I attempted to do well, evil followed.

I can only imagine Joseph's pain and the rejection that he felt. I can imagine that he felt like he got a raw deal for being such a dreamer. And to add insult to injury, he suffered as an innocent man more than once. Isn’t that just like life, to knock you down to your knees on multiple occasions?

Thank God that despite the afflictions, the trials and tribulations that our seasons change.

The Pastor also noted that Joseph honored God during all of his seasons, no matter what.

You see, FREEDOM, it will cost you.

Joseph didn't get to skip the pit before he moved into the palace. He didn't get to reroute his enslaved journey. He didn't get the luxury to chose the good and leave the bad. He had to pay the price to get to the promise.

I know you think you were robbed of your birthright.

I know you think you missed your opportunity.

I know you think the pain will never cease.

BUT stop pitching your tent among the "naysayers" and stop feeding the doubt.

You no longer have to fight to restore your reputation.

You don't have to fight for the land.

Your promise wasn't forfeited in the fight.

When the enemy sold you out,

God bought you at a price.

"Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story--those he redeemed from the hand of the foe." Psalm 107:2
                                                                                                                                 

The Call

"From the withered tree a flower blooms." -Proverb

Around the halfway mark of every year, it never fails. A few goals start feeling out of reach, a little dust of boredom settles in and the finish line seems further away than on yesterday. If you're anything like me, sometimes it's easy to fall into the trap of looking ahead of God's timing with a teardrop of frustration. The sweet agony of "waiting" can be quite the challenge. My head comprehends, "patience is virtue" but trying to convince my heart that God has not forgot...well that is a "continuous work in progress!"

When our seasons change and we've conquered our fair share of storms, we're immediately ready to harvest a crop but how soon do we forget that  a "seed" doesn't bloom overnight? Not matter how much sun exposure, fertilizing or watering, it's still a process. Life is just like germination. Every step is equally as important to insure that you have a viable, healthy plant. In fact, if all the favorable conditions are met, we "expect" a beautiful flower to boom--the fruit of our labor.

Well, what about you?

Are you blooming where you are planted?

What are you producing?

Have you "inspected" your own fruit?

Over the last couple of months, I've been in God's face more so, regarding his purpose for my life, almost feeling like I'm just about running out of time to contribute anything meaningful. However, just when I was about to travel down that dead-end road once again, God sent a Rhema word during the start of revival on this week. 

I heard the Pastor say, "Attached to your purpose is a call." I know that doesn't sound too profound but I knew God was about to get me all the way together with my stinking thinking. I fumbled through my purse for a pen and shifted in my seat cause I knew this was about to get deep. (Whenever God shows up, revelation always follows.) 

As we explored the very, familiar story of Joseph in Genesis 37:1-5, The Pastor went on to add that Joseph's call was different than the others and that he was handpicked by God. He wasn't exempt from problems due to" the call" but his circumstances didn't change his call either. 

Just like Joseph, God is calling you to fulfill your unique purpose as well. You have been equipped for the call. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart."-Jeremiah 1:5

I know "they" threw you in the pit cause you didn't fit their desired expectations.  

I know "they" laughed at your dreams. 

I know "they" sold you out.

"And we know that in all things  God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

As the Pastor added, "The coat covers the call on your life but have you received your coat?"

Night One of revival reassures me that my seed is on schedule, what about yours?

Not too early,

not too late,

but in "perfect timing" for Him to cultivate.

(Taken from revival notes of Chosen: Called & Covered - K. Spivey)

Will You Go?

"Our storms shouldn't impede our journey because "our faith" is the way maker."

                                                                                                      -A Daily Dose of Freedom

Lord, where has the time gone?

My short hiatus hasn't been the result of back sliding to the wilderness or secretly struggling with strongholds in the privacy of my four walls. God intentionally placed me in a secluded place to do some serious soul searching. To get my head on straight and understand this "purpose" thing a bit more.

You see for years, I've sat on the sidelines, nurturing "unworthiness." I spoon fed the doubt, insecurities and fears that the enemy planted in my spirit. (Trust me, what you feed will definitely grow)! And boy did it grow!

When I mustered up enough strength to peek my head outside of my confined box, rejection tried to steal God's plans for my life. In my mind, I wasn't the "ideal" warrior. I didn't belong in the fight. I didn't look the part, act the part or have that something special so I "played my position" in the background. "Attention" is an uncomfortable place for me. ( It's my thorn that resembles Paul's). I simply don't like the spotlight. Guess that's why I've always avoided "active duty" in ministry. Surely, God would never equip me for the frontline. I've always been the advocate for the "underdog," because early child servanthood taught me that it's unselfish to fight for others; while yet, turning the other cheek to my own battle scars.

But at some point, you gotta find the courage in God to boldly stand and let the enemy know that you will not be bullied into submission by force. You literally gotta pick up the sword (the word of God) and start swinging for dear life. I refuse to spiritually die, while laying on my back with breath in my body. So I spent the month of June, swinging on the enemy. And the fact that I'm still standing should explain how that went. 

And let's face it--sometimes we call it "quits"way too soon! We lose the battle prematurely cause we never gained the courage to endure till the end. Well, obviously this is not my ending and it's safe to assume it's not yours either, if you are reading this. 

When I started this blog, I wasn't fully prepared for the critics, the shared transparency or exposure of my innermost vulnerabilities. Sometimes, I would get so lost into my words that I would have to wholeheartedly seek God's face to ensure that I wasn't navigating outside of His permissive will. Then doubt kicked into overdrive as I encountered others that were better writers and those that God called to share their hearts with more experience than me. So I questioned the call, my gift, and my purpose in Him! I begin to retreat to the background and shut down. I figured if I would just "ignore it,"  then maybe "it" would go quietly away. Funny, "it" never did....the "hunger" grew stronger despite my reluctancy to feed it.

This morning as I rolled out of bed, I felt a bit sleep deprived and uninterested in adhering to any realistic expectations of time management. In other words, I didn't care about all the glitz and glam of picking out a cute outfit, doing my makeup or matching shoes with purses. I didn't even care if I made it to church on time, as long as I made it there safely. I really wasn't in a hurry to do anything this morning. I wasn't moping around but I wasn't fully charged with an automatic praise of worship either.

I downed a shake for breakfast, popped a handful of multivitamins and proceeded to head out the door. As I drove to my destination, with worship music playing softly in the background, conviction set in. Here I was, on my way to worship, acting like God hadn't being moving in my life. Everything about me was different. My season had indeed changed. I wasn't defeated, broken down and barely making it. I wasn't moved by the winds. The storms no longer sent me trembling under the covers of defeat. My faith was finally rooted. But my "passion" was starving cause I was still entertaining the doubt on occasion.

When I reached my destination, a sense of brokenness and heaviness broke out. I wasn't about to forfeit this fight though, cause I'd been alone with God, studying about Spiritual Warfare and I wasn't scared to travail. I cast down every spiritual wickedness in high places through the power and authority of God and came out unscathed. 

God is so on point. How befitting that the message on today was "Water Walker." It almost felt like I was in a dream. Who knew that God would be so kind to send this local Pastor, my friend and mentor to speak to my spirit with such a timely word? I won't give her nuggets away but my spirit man leaped out the boat of my comfort zone and began to walk on the water right there, on the spot. I felt free. I felt like I was dancing on the water for the first time in a long time.

What has God commissioned you to do in this season, but you've allowed your fears to starve your dreams?

Imagine who is suffering due to your disobedience.

Why would you ever intentionally stifle God's gifts and abort His purpose for your life?

I will leave you with this by Pastor Keisha Spivey, "Why does the wind determine your when?"

God has already sanctioned the call, what is your response? 

WILL YOU GO?